White Bird in a Blizzard (2014) – Shailene Woodley Comes of Age

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White Bird in a Blizzard is a new drama starring Shailene Woodley as a seventeen year old learning about sexuality while also grappling with the disappearance of her mother.

I get the impression you’ll see the world this girl has around her unravel as the film progresses, starting with her image of her mother. Shailene’s character Kat had the ‘perfect mom.’ The mom who made the dinners just right and kept her house clean. But there were plenty of cracks in that perfect exterior. Her mom, it seems, was greatly unhappy, and so too it would seem was her dad.

As Kat starts to get that super awesome tingle in her lady parts as she came of age, her mom disappeared. Did her mom bang her boyfriend? Did her dad kill her mom? Did her mom just run off?

There’s a lot of potential crazy going on, but I’ve heard Shailene shows her boobs, so I’m down.

White Bird in a Blizzard

White Bird in a Blizzard comes courtesy of writer/director Gregg “Two G’s” Araki. Okay, he probably doesn’t have a nickname like a boxer, but that’s what he should use if he ever fights. He adapted the novel by Laure Kasischke. Her name has five straight consonants. No wonder “Two G’s” likes her stuff.

Anyways, Araki has a bit of experience, but I’m going to focus on his “The Producers Would Like to Thank” credit for Don Jon. That’s probably relevant.


White Bird in a Blizzard Trailer

White Bird in a Blizzard Release Date

October 24, 2014.

Who’s In It?

Shailene Woodley
Eva Green
Christopher Meloni
Thomas Jane
Angela Bassett
Gabourey Sidibe

What’s Good About It?

White Bird in a Blizzard looks decently good. Shailene has been on a tear lately, and has been exceptional in everything she’s done, even if some of those films are the shitfest Divergent. Eva Green is actually the greatest attraction to White Bird in a Blizzard for me. Not only does she have exceptional tits, but she’s a perfect person to play a slightly unhinged suburban housewife. And she sorta halfway looks like she could be Shailene’s mom. A little young, but still…

What’s Bad About It?

My only complaint is Thomas Jane isn’t playing The Punisher in this. He should be playing The Punisher in FUCKING EVERYTHING.

Except Arrested Development. Cause he’s Tom Jane. Obvi.

Our Clever Prediction

White Bird in a Blizzard has a good cast and an intriguing storyline, but it’s more or less going straight to On Demand, and I don’t think Shailene has quite enough drawing power to pull a mediocre film to box office success. Not yet, anyways.