War Horse (2011)


Set during WWI, War Horse tells the tale of a young boy and a horse, whose love knew no bounds, and they eventually have babies together. Which is where minotaurs come from.

Okay, so they don’t have babies. On screen. (there could be ALL kinds of subtext). War Horse follows Albert, the boy, and Joey, the horse, as they navigate the horrors of WWI and the many times they are able to reconnect. In a TOTALLY PLATONIC WAY.




The Scoop

Steven Spielberg is directing, so you know it’ll probably be at least halfway decent, and since it’s the Steven Spielberg of today and not, say, 20 years ago, you know it probably won’t be REALLY good. Oh well.

I’ve heard rumors that Spielberg had been wanting to set a film during WWI for a long time, and it seems like this was the best script available for such a proposition. I’m personally excited to see a film set during the Great War, which would forever be forgotten, since it wasn’t as cool as WWII, what with the Nazis and nuclear bomb.

Who’s It For?

No rating yet. I could see PG-13 or R for War Horse.

Movie Release Date

August 10, 2011.

Who’s In It?

Benedict Cumberbatch … Major Stewart
Emily Watson … Albert’s mother
David Thewlis … Lyons
Tom Hiddleston … Captain Nichols
Peter Mullan … Albert’s Father
David Kross … Gunther
Jeremy Irvine … Albert

Interesting Fact

Based on the novel of the same name by Michael Morpurgo.

Related Movies

Saving Private Ryan, Black Beauty, Clash of the Titans (cause of the minotaur stuff)

What’s Good About It?

It’s a war film directed by Steven Spielberg. If this doesn’t get nominated for an Oscar, I will crap a brick.

A brick of gold.

What’s Bad About It?

I don’t like horses. I fell off one when I was 10. Then, when I was 15, these stupid people I was visiting made me go visit their horse and ride it, and they gave me old riding pants that didn’t fit, which split open while I was riding and I didn’t notice for a while, and my penis touched the saddle.

The funniest thing is that’s all true.

Our Clever Prediction

War Horse has to have a solid box office and a handful of Oscar nominations in it’s future. No way this film bombs. No way.

No way.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.


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