Under the Skin (2014)

Scarlett Johansson Under The Skin

Under the Skin is about… oh. I don’t care about the plot. Scarlett Johansson is supposedly showing her BOOBS!!!! I’m going to buy EVERY limited edition multiple disc Blu-Ray and DVD, VHS, and poster I can find.

If I have a weakness for anything, it’s boobs. Second to that is… jugs. Then tits. Then knockers, hooters, breasts, jigglies, sweater cows, chesticles, the only redeeming quality of women, slappies, pillows, and… oh, I just love tig ol’ bitties.

And Scarlett Johansson has got it going on. Up top. Oh yeah.

Anyways, Under the Skin is sorta like Species, with an alien who just happens to look like a super hot babe coming to earth and seducing our men… and (wait for it) our women.

THAT’S right. ScarJo may make out with other girls too! Did my pants just tighten? You’re damn right they did. Also, my knee is wet.

And the hot alien broad may also begin to feel compassion and perhaps… love, for her human prey and come on a collision course with her own kind.

I’m gonna cry. This sexy alien bitch has a heart of gold.

And no. I’m not sexist. I’m just a human male who happens to objectify women every chance I get… and… oh. I’ll work on the sexism stuff.

Under the Skin

Jonathan Glazer is directing Under the Skin, so he’s my hero. He directed Sexy Beast a few years back, which had an outstanding performance by Ben Kingsley, and he’s directed a bunch of music video stuff.

I don’t care. BOOBS.

Under the Skin Trailer

Under the Skin Release Date

It’s getting a limited release on April 4, 2014.


Who’s In It?

 Scarlett Johansson … Laura
  Robert J. Goodwin … Tea Room Customer

What’s Good About It?


What’s Bad About It?

Actually, outside of the sweater cows I don’t think very highly of the film. From the few plot details currently available it doesn’t seem terribly interesting. It’s just playing on the sexuality stuff, which…

Our Clever Prediction

IS FUCKING AWESOME! Play up that sexy stuff! I want her to do jumping jacks! High fives with no pants on!

I want her to love me long time. This movie is going to be soooo amazing. And if it turns out her tits aren’t in Under the Skin, I will burn this world.