Twelve (2010)


No one needs anything here. It’s all about want. Whoa. That was like, deep. (That’s what she said.) Twelve, which uses that crap as a slogan on their poster, tells the tale of a pretty boy drug dealer who gets kicked out of school and sells drugs to his rich former classmates. His life comes unraveled when his cousin is murdered and his best friend is accused of the crime. Drama, ensue!

The film is directed by Joel Schumacher, known for the most dramatic and well acted of the Batman films, and stars Chace Crawford, known for being the most dramatic and talented actor on Gossip Girl. Both true. Look it up. Thankfully, with the less than capable director and lead actor, they brought in some solid supporting cast, like 50 Cent and Macaulay Culkin’s little brother. Clearly, this is an early contender for the Oscars.

Twelve Script

The screenplay was written by Jordan Melamed, his first screenplay, good luck, and based on the novel by Nick McDonell, written when he was 17. What the… why are my ears bleeding? Is it the potential of this epic film? The next Gladiator? What? Oh, gladheateher. I get it. Like dirty movies. Cause the script is crap, the actors are pretty and can’t act.


Who’s It For?

I assume it’ll be R.

Movie Release Date

July 30

Who’s In It?

Emma Roberts … Molly
Kiefer Sutherland … Narrator
Chace Crawford … White Mike
Rory Culkin … Chris
Ellen Barkin
50 Cent … Lionel
Erik Per Sullivan
Nico Tortorella … Tobias

What’s Good About It?

It has Esti Ginzburg in it, and she’s a Sports Illustrated Model.

What’s Bad About It?

The acting on display in the trailer makes Ginzberg a standout as top performance. She’s a model. Hot, stupid, in other words, perfect. But it doesn’t bode well for a heavy drama. Maybe the people making it were also on drugs, as if to be in character. Called it.

Our Clever Prediction

You won’t see the movie Twelve. It’s being release on 400 screens the first week, will make 400 dollars. World will move on slowly, painfully. We will recover when Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World comes out.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.