The Lone Ranger (2013)

lone ranger

The Lone Ranger was a movie that just needed to be done. I mean, they have remade most of the classic Westerns already, so why not one of the most memorable characters besides ‘The Duke’?

The Lone Ranger 2013

The new Lone Ranger movie is still in the early writing stages, but Johnny Depp is signed to play the most loyal Indian in history, Tonto. Kids these days may not know the whole story about The Lone Ranger, so here’s a quick review for todays semi-retarded youth who have never picked up a book :

The Lone Ranger was a survivor of a group of Texas Rangers ambushed by a mean man named Butch Cavendish. He is nursed back to health by Tonto, the Native American who saved him.

The now masked (and somewhat nerdy looking) “Lone Ranger” sets out to bring justice to the West with the help of his friend. Kind of how Clint Eastwood set shit straight in Gran Torino, only its cowboys and Indians this time around.

Who’s The Lone Ranger For?

People older than 40, and fans of the western niche. Have no doubt, Disney will make it super violent and sexual, just to throw at todays youth. Kiss your father’s most beloved childhood hero goodbye, the minds at disney will ruin it, you can count on that.

Lone Ranger Release Date

July 3rd 2013 is the official release date.

Lone Ranger Pics

The Lone Ranger Trailers

Who’s In It?

Johnny Depp is in, but wouldn’t it be awesome if Lou Diamond Phillips and Edward James Olmos were too? Arnie Hammer plays The Lone Ranger, and Helena Bonham Carter plays the loose woman who loves liquor and men. Reminds me of my aunt Carol.

Interesting Fact

Clayton Moore played the original Lone Ranger from 1949-1957. He coined the term ‘Indian Giver’ after an on-screen dispute with Tonto.

What’s Good About It?

The Lone Ranger was a pretty cool character when I was young, but so was The Six Million Dollar Man. I guess Depp will bring some legitimacy to this iconic character. Justin Haythe wrote Revolutionary Road, which was a really good story so I have some faith. Also, Jerry Bruckheimer is producing, so.. yeah.. the talent is there.

What’s Bad About It?

Couldn’t they find an actual Indian to play Tonto? Are there no native Americans acting these days? Seriously, Lou Diamond Phillips is looking for work.

Our Clever Prediction

Not sure, I’m not holding my breath for Disney to release anything groundbreaking these days.


  1. Barry Pepper (Bobby Kennedy) has been mentioned as someone to be in this movie….he has the athleticism to play the Lone Ranger, I think, and could be the super straight guy needed to play this part.

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