The Loft (2013)

the loft

The Loft is a horror film about… a loft. Well, actually it’s about 5 guys who decide to all pitch in and rent a loft together where they can take their mistresses. DAMNIT. They read my diary!

Cause I do that. With all da bitches… N’ hoes.

N’ stuff…

Right, so the guys are all good buddies, naturally, and they think they’re super smart to have this loft where they can take their ladies to bang. But then one day a dead girl is found in the loft, and no one knows who killed her. They realize they don’t know each other as well as they thought. They all start to suspect one another of murder. Dun dun dun.

I’m guessing that there will be one guy who’s just a totally partier, one who doesn’t really want to, and his best buddy, and they both go in on it, but they promise not to really cheat on their wives.

And I’m betting the killer is one of the guys’ wives. Called it!

The Loft

The Loft comes from director Erik Van Looy, and he directed a film called Loft once before in 2008, and he’s from Belgium, so I’m guessing this is a remake. Totally cool.

Those always work out well.


The Loft Trailer

The Loft Release Date

April 2013.

Who’s In It?

 Karl Urban … Vincent Stevens
  Rachael Taylor … Ann
  James Marsden … Chris Vanowen
  Wentworth Miller … Luke Seacord
  Rhona Mitra … Allison
  Margarita Levieva … Vicky Fry
  Eric Stonestreet … Marty Landry
  Isabel Lucas … Sarah Deakins
  Valerie Cruz … Barbara Stevens
  Elaine Cassidy … Ellie Seacord
  Robert Wisdom … Detective Cohagan
  Matthias Schoenaerts … Filip
  Madison Burge¹ … Zoe
  Kristin Lehman … Detective Huggins
  Kali Rocha … Mimi Landry
  Graham Beckel … Hiram Fry
  Laura Cayouette … Mrs. Kotkin
  Griff Furst … 30 Something #1
  Ric Reitz … Joel Kotkin

What’s Good About It?

I like most of the cast, minus Wentworth Miller, and the premise seems good. Kinda basic, but it could be kinda Hitchcock-esque, if it wasn’t made by hacks, which I suspect The Loft is.

What’s Bad About It?

Wentworth Miller.

Our Clever Prediction

I don’t know about The Loft. It seems like it might be a nice, suspenseful thriller, and we don’t get a ton of those these days, but at the same time I’m just not that into it. It seems a lot like the movie Very Bad Things that came out a while back, and that was a turdfest like almost no other.