On the Road (2012) – Kirsten Dunst makes a porno

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On the Road is an adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s famous novel of the same name, in which a young man travels the many roads and rails of America. The film is getting lots of buzz lately because apparently Kristen Stewart and  Kirsten Dunst have a few naked scenes in the film, and sexy moments. Kristen Stewart apparently gives double handjobs, is naked often.. and Dunst has many suggestive scenes as well.

I think it’s like the hippy Bible.

On the Road was written in three weeks on a single typewriter scroll, although that is partly legend, as Kerouac had numerous notebooks and had jotted down quite a bit of the story beforehand. Kerouac was a big fan of jazz, and the style of the book was said to be inspired by the improvisational nature of the music. The story is largely autobiographical, although names were changed to protect the innocent. Wait, isn’t that America’s Most Wanted?

Anyways, the characters go cross country, doing drugs and having an adventure. Hippies.

On The Road

Dean and Sal (The two main characters) are the portrait of the Beat Generation. Their search for “It” results in a fast paced, energetic roller coaster ride with highs and lows throughout the U.S. The boys roll through the heartland, picking up women along the way. Dunst and Stewart not only provide verbal companionship, but give the boys sexual favours along the way. Because this is what young teenage girls do while hitching a ride, at least in a Hollywood movie, or Penthouse letter.

Oddly, it appears On the Road has never been directly adapted to film before. No doubt numerous films have been inspired by the story, but this version, starring Kristen Stewart, from Twilight (I know), will be, without question, THE definitive version. Walter Salles is directing a screenplay by Jose Rivera. Salles directed The Motorcycle Diaries, so he knows about traveling and diaries n’ stuff. I am so professional.

 

On The Road Trailer


Who’s It For?

On the Road has not yet been rated, but I would guess R, cause of the nudity, sex and drug usage.

Pictures

Movie Release Date

On The Road will hit sometime later in 2012, summer or fall.

Who’s In It?

Sam Riley … Sal Paradise
Garrett Hedlund … Dean Moriarty
Kristen Stewart … Marylou
Kirsten Dunst … Camille
Tom Sturridge … Carlo Marx
Viggo Mortensen … Old Bull Lee
Amy Adams … Jane
Alice Braga
Steve Buscemi
Danny Morgan … Ed Dunkel
Giovanna Zacarías
Elisabeth Moss … Galatea Dunkel

Today’s Fast Face

17 other shitty movies have the name On The Road. No kidding.

What’s Good About It?

On the Road is a classic, and no doubt it’ll be a point of interest for the many fans of the book. Nudity – On The Road has a ton of it. We get to see Kirsten Stewart’s boobs.

What’s Bad About It?

Kristen Stewart, by her nature, lessens the quality of the movie. We get to see Kirsten Stewart’s boobs.

Our Clever Prediction

I do like that Jack Kerouac was later pretty open about how much he disliked hippies, even though he was largely responsible for their lifestyle, and many followed in his footsteps. It makes me want to see the film. But I don’t think it’ll be particularly well received. It was in a different time. Under the Boardwalk. Huh? What? Why did you make me say that? That doesn’t make any sense at all. You’re weird. Shut up.

5 COMMENTS

  1. sounds like a good movie. the book is the ultimate road trip tale. and the beat generation weren’t really hippies, more the fathers of hippies. they’re not really lazy like the hippie stereotype, i think the main character held around 5 different jobs in the story. The only thing hippie like is that they did experiment with drugs, but the beat generation experimented with every aspect of life, they really got out there into the world and did anything and everything they could, work or play. and i don’t understand what’s so bad about this actress, granted i’ve never seen twilight (it does look pretty stupid), but i have seen her in at least two other movies (Adventureland and something about the rileys(?)) and she seems like a pretty solid actress. overall I’m glad to see a quality adaptation of OTR being made that sticks close to the book, it’s an American classic.

  2. how can you say kristen stewart is bad for the movie??? she´s a grat actress! have you seen any of her movies despite twilight?? maybe you should watch “the cake eaters” “into the wild” or anything she has done in her acting career. her style and her personality as a person, not as that twilight chick make her the perfect cast for that role.
    in a way the article disqualified itself by saying OTR is the “hippie bible”,i always wonder how people who obviously handle with the media as a profession can do such poor work.
    i love the book and i will even love it more after having seen kristen stewart performing in the movie.

  3. Getting that droopy eyed monstrosity cast into the movie means that the movie theaters will be packed either with squealing twi-tards who will then bash the movie because they don’t get it, or idiot twi-tards who will try to emulate the behavior they see on screen.. either way.. a prime example of Hollywood’s way of turning anything into a farce.. If they had been serious about adapting the book.. they would have gotten a serious actress to play the role.. This one will tank

  4. It is not the “hippie bible”. The beat generation HATED hippies and the tales of this book take place in the late forties POSSIBLY early fifties. The beat generation was the non conformist group before the hippies, yes, but unlike hippies they dedicated their time to intellect and art. Kerouac graduated from Colombia, I do believe, and most of his peers also were ivy league graduates. They were simply a group of writers who lived for the experience to incorporate into their art and lived for knowledge. Yes, they were a little bit crazy, but they did not stand for peace and love and unity, they thought that was a load of SHIT.

    Please, before you write a review, check up on the back story of what you’re writing about because your assertion on this movie and on Jack Kerouac is completely incorrect.

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