Movie news for The Beaver, Harry Potter, Abe Lincoln!


All the news can be summed up in one sentence: Harry Potter’s beaver shot Abe Lincoln with a gun once own by James Bond, who, as we all know, hates Canadians.

Question, is Hermione Harry Potter’s Beaver?

Beaver Poster

Not only is Mel Gibson back (incompletely reported here), but he has his hand in a beaver, and it’s on a poster!

Harry Potter

I’d marry potter. Cause he’s dreamy. Gay.

Anyways, the f-wads that host these two clips won’t let them be embedded, cause they’re f-wads, so just go check them out here and here. Both look good, but need more Hermione! This erection isn’t going to dance for just anyone! (‘cept for Harry, of course)

Wait, I just realized I can embed a video if I put the effort into it.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

The concept sounds funny, but it’s really just another Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (as reported on here yesterday). The news for today is that Inception and future The Dark Knight Rises actor Tom Hardy may be up for the role of Henry Sturgess, who is the mentor to Abe Lincoln as he learns to kill vamps. Kind of like Whistler was to Blade, or Liberace was to Edward Cullen.

James Bond

It appears that MGM is finally getting their act together, and they plan to have the next James Bond film in theaters in November of 2012. At first I was skeptical, but as far as I know, Sam Mendes is still on board, and Daniel Craig has been saying for quite a while how much he’d like to do another one, so if they both stick with the film, it may get into production sooner rather than later. Let’s just hope that they don’t have to limit the budget (it’s James Bond, shit has to blow up).

A Warriors Heart

I’m not gay, but check out the promotional poster for A Warriors Heart and tell me you wouldn’t let this strapping young lad give you a backrub? Gentlemen? Anyone? Who’s with me? Anyone? Am I right am I right! *high five*

A Warriors Heart
Kellan Lutz, from A Warrior's Heart Movie

Grrrrrrrrrowl! What’s this movie about?

In shock and denial over his Marine father’s death in battle, star high school lacrosse player Conor Sullivan, always a maverick and a hot head, starts acting out in self destructive ways that has his mom, Claire, at her wits end. But arduous training in a wilderness lacrosse camp under the tutelage of his dad’s old combat buddy, Sgt. Major Duke Wayne, and finding a new love interest opens Conor’s eyes to the true meaning of maturity, sportsmanship and life.

The Impossible

Well its been a few years now, so time to cash in on the Tsunami from 2004, leaving nothing for the victims in return.. I mean, enough time has passed apparently.

    Here’s the synopsis for The Impossible:

A terrifying and emotional story based on one family’s experience of the 2004 tsunami, THE IMPOSSIBLE is a compelling account of perseverance and survival in the face of unimaginable disaster and chaos.

MARIA (Naomi Watts), HENRY (Ewan McGregor) and their three sons begin their winter vacation in Thailand looking forward to a few days in tropical paradise. But on the morning of December 26th, as the family relaxes around the pool after their Christmas festivities the night before, a terrifying roar rises up from the center of the earth. As Maria freezes in fear, a huge wall of black water races across the hotel grounds toward her.

Henry grabs the two youngest boys, SIMON and THOMAS, but it’s too late: the wave smashes into him with incredible force and dislodges his grip. Maria is pushed underwater, where she is crushed and battered by debris to the brink of death. She finally surfaces in a raging black sea, which has completely submerged her three-story hotel and the surrounding landscape. Maria gasps for breath, while she tries to understand what has just happened, convinced that her family has been obliterated in the blink of an eye. But then, her eldest son, LUCAS (Tom Holland), surfaces a few meters ahead in the wild flood. Face-to-face with something unexpected and incomprehensible, she must fight against all odds for her child’s survival. And her own.

Based on a true story, THE IMPOSSIBLE is the unforgettable account of a family caught, with tens of thousands of strangers, in the mayhem of one of the worst natural catastrophes of our time. But the true-life terror is tempered by the unexpected displays of compassion, courage and simple kindness that Maria and her family encounter during the darkest hours of their lives. Both epic and intimate, devastating and uplifting, THE IMPOSSIBLE is a journey to the core of the human heart.