Movie News for Terminator, Xerxes, Sherlock Holmes, Scream 4 and More!

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You know how I’ve softened in my attitude toward Canada? Justin Beiber spoke. IT’S BACK ON. Oh, and there’s news for Terminator, Xerxes, Sherlock Holmes, The Amateur Photographer, Cogan’s Trade, Dark Shadows, and Scream 4.

Why Canada Sucks

First, here’s what Justin Beiber said:

“You guys are evil,” he says with a laugh. “Canada’s the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don’t need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you’re broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard’s baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.”

Now, America is a great country. We protect Canada. This is like the snotty little brother who doesn’t realize that he’s being protected acting like a b*tch. If it wasn’t for AMERICA, you’d be getting swirlies from Russia right now. Or Germany, or any other country that can kick a mounties butt (ALL OF THEM).
America created McDonald’s. Canada created stupidness.
Americans are donating money to build a Robocop statue in Detroit. In just a few days over $50,000 has been raised. Canada raises their eyebrows when farting in churches.
Yeah, America doesn’t have universal healthcare. Of course, when someone gets really sick in Canada, they come to AMERICA, where we can treat the disease. Good job learning how to do a few stitches and ask for the medicine that AMERICA invented.
America produced Olivia Wilde. Canada produced Ryan Reynolds.

America provides great things to the world. Canada provided Justin Beiber. CHECKMATE.

Terminator

Pacificor, the hedge fund that owns the rights to the Terminator series, is reportedly talking with Universal about making another Terminator movie. Since Schwarzenegger recently said that he wants to start making movies again they might want to put him back in the shoes of baddest robot alive (not really alive though) and make some turd. The worst part? They’re considering hiring Justin Lin and Chris Morgan to make the film. Who are they? Lin is the director, and Morgan the writer of the last couple Fast and Furious films. So who wants to guess that Vin Diesel is going to be a Terminator? I bet this is another plot by Canada to ruin the world.

Xerxes

There have been reports for a while now that there will be a 300 prequel, this time about the villain, Xerxes. The news today is particularly odd though. The studio wants to hire Guy Richie for the project. ???? Huh? Don’t get me wrong, I like Ritchie, but this is a weird choice, and why not just wait for Zach Snyder to finish with Superman and let him do it then? Seems like a better idea to me.

Sherlock Holmes

In other Guy Ritchie-related news, the title to Sherlock Holmes 2 has been revealed. It shall be called… Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. I prefer Sherlock Holmes 2. I read all the Holmes stories a while back, and I don’t remember one called A Game of Shadows, so I Googled it, and there was a book about Barry Bonds and steroids called A Game of Shadows, so I’m taking it that the film will be all bulked up and muscley. Cool. I’d have gone with A Study in Pink.

The Amateur Photographer

Daniel Radcliffe, who is still hoping to not be forever known as Harry Potter, even though he will be, has signed on to star in The Amateur Photographer, which is about a young man who is asked to photograph the private lives of a small town in 1970’s New England. I know it isn’t, but the title, and even the description of the film sound like a porno. I’m looking forward to it.

Cogan’s Trade

Brad Pitt’s upcoming gangster film Cogan’s Trade has signed Ray Liotta. Good news, as I don’t think you could make a decent gangster film these days without Ray Liotta. Or maybe you can. I can never remember.

Dark Shadows

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp’s next collaboration, Dark Shadows, has signed Michelle Pfeiffer and Helena Bonham Carter. I’m surprised. I NEVER would have thought that Burton would work with Carter again. Oh. Wait.

Scream 4

New poster for Scream 4. I don’t get it. Oh. The mask is like a knife. NOW I get it. Clever. Or should I say… cleaver? That seemed more… cleaver in my head. ZING!

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won’t apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn’t read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

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