Movie news for Rise of the Apes, The Hobbit, The Hangover 2, and more!


Trailers for Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Abduction, a bunch of posters for The Hangover, The Expatriate and Rock of Ages casting, and a video from the set of The Hobbit!

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I’ve been curious for a while about Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and now that there’s finally a trailer, I can say that the film looks kinda… stupid. Well, James Franco at least looks like a moron. Seriously, does anyone believe that he sounds like a scientist? Oh, right. Stoner scientist. That’s who I would trust with a million (or perhaps billion) dollar experiment. I bet the drug that makes the apes smarter is super weed. But you don’t use it on the apes. You just smoke that shit, and you imagine that they’re super intelligent.

I think this is how 28 Days Later started.


Wow, here I thought Abduction was going to make a lot of sense and be a really good movie. I guess I was wrong. You know how EVERY kid in high school thinks he’s out of place? Well, you’ve all been kidnapped. The internet said so. Now start killing people and have underage sex.

The Hangover 2

The Hangover 2 is getting to have too many posters. Instead of saying my normal stuff about how awesome or bad the movie is going to be, I’m just going to respond to the quotes in the posters. 1. No, that’s just what you like to do. 2. How come I don’t get to be in the wolfpack? Huh? Who made you alpha wolf? 3. I tried that line on a girl once. It worked. 4. I tried that line on a girl once also. It worked. 5. I said that to both girls. 6. They said that to me.


The Expatriate

I wish this movie was about Hemingway. The Expatriate is a film about an ex-CIA agent who moves to Belgium with his teenaged daughter only to get involved with some corporate espionage. Aaron Eckhart is playing the lead, while Liana Liberato will play his daughter. Olga Kurylenko will play another CIA agent who is tracking him down. Sounds good. High five. Apparently the film has been filming already, but it was just announced today that Kurylenko and Liberato have joined the cast. Whew. I was worried before that.

Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages has added Russell Brand to the cast. Clearly, this is the producers just making absolutely sure that I won’t see this epic turd of a film. Well done, producers. Turd of ages.

The Hobbit

Since The Hobbit has now commenced filming, Peter Jackson has decided to inundate us with information and footage from the film. Unfortunately, he’s doing so through Facebook, which I apparently cannot embed. I could ‘like’ it, but I decided that my friends don’t deserve to see it. Cause they’re jerks. So I’m just going to link to it here. Be warned, it’s long.

Yet another line I’ve used on a lady.

It worked.


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