Movie News for Pirates, Green Lantern, and Hoover

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A few tidbits of news cause nothing happens the week after Christmas. I thought Hollywood was run by Jewish people, what’s up with the slow news?

Is that racist? It felt racist. I’m not racist. I’m anti-Canada, but that’s a country, so I’m more of a cuntist. That doesn’t seem right either.

Green Lantern

The latest Green Lantern comic book came out and has a new image from the upcoming film. In an effort to make an utterly incomprehensible film, the filmmakers have decided to incorporate Tomar-Re. I read comics, and I love Green Lantern, and even I don’t want to see him in the film. Nothing against the character, but there’s just too much going on in the film. I know they already have Kilowog, Sinestro, scenes on OA, and all sorts of other crap, and the villain is Earth-based. It’s going to end up having no consistent story line. The films should build over time to incorporate these other characters, not just throw them in from day one. Did they see Daredevil?

J. Edgar Hoover

The biopic about the man who created the vacuum cleaner, J. Edgar Hoover, has cast dame Judi Dench. There’s also a rumor that Charlize Theron will be in the film, but she is still in the negotiation stage, so she may still not make it. The film will star Leonardo DiCaprio as the titular vacuum god, Hoover. In an odd piece of trivia, he was a cross dresser, which is why a man was so concerned with cleaning the house. Get it? Cause women are supposed to clean the house. And he dressed like a woman, but unlike real women, he had the male genes, which enabled him to do their job infinitely more efficiently. Men-1. Women-0.

Pirates of the Caribbean

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer tweeted a photo from the set of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides over the holidays. It’s a pic of Blackbeard’s flag. Blackbeard will be portrayed by Ian McShane, who you should know as the most badass man ever from Deadwood. He’s the villain. And is it just me, or does his flag look like something I would have drawn on the back of a notebook when I was 9 and thought was the most awesome thing ever? It is.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

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