Movie News for Madden Football, Your Highness, and the Chronicles of Riddick!

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A few more little details for you to enjoy. So… enjoy.

Your Highness

There’s a new trailer and poster for Your Highness. One question. What the F? They actually went to the trouble of CGIing (I don’t know, digitally adding?) in full panty bottoms for Natalie Portman. WTF? It is literally the ONLY reason I’ll even consider watching this stupid looking movie. And by ‘consider’ I mean that I’ll be seeing a 3pm showing on a Wednesday the same way Pee Wee Herman saw films. By that I mean with a smile on my face and a hand in my pants.

Chronicles of Riddick

Not a big thing here from Vin Diesel, but he mentioned this stuff for Riddick on his Facebook page, cause that’s how movie stars do things, that… well, just read it:
“[M]y partner on [The Chronicles of Riddick] since the beginning, [David Twohy]… has a new challenge in store… He wants me to have 3 different body looks for this next chapter… There is the DiNorscio type, the Dom type, and the lean Furyan type… but all in the same movie, haha… When it comes to art, we all like a challenge.”

So basically you’ll see him in three different stages of steroid abuse. Stage one is looking good but not great, stage two is better but with additional bacne. Stage three is super ripped and awesome, with zits the size of Montana on his back and rage veins popping out all over the place. What a wonderful day to learn about this.

Madden

First, I should mention that a film about John Madden’s life could be really interesting, and you could have him narrate it and it would be the best play by play narration EVER. But no. The film is about the Madden curse, which is when a football player on the cover of the game seems to get a serious injury every time they’re on the cover. I’d point out that football is an insanely dangerous and, as my mother called it, ‘rough’ sport, where overgrown men beat the crap out of each other in a struggle over a ball, and that John Madden was on the cover for years and I don’t remember him getting hurt, but why attack morons who believe in curses? (for the record, I’m from Chicago and I TOTALLY buy into the Cubs curse, but that’s because I hate the Cubs, their fans, and want to see them suffer)

Oh, right, THE MOVIE. Anyways, the film follows a retired player who comes back to play but is on the cover of the game that year, meaning every play could be HIS LAST. Or something like that. Sounds retarded. Why not make a movie about a football stolen from John Madden’s house and the crazy things that happen to the people who stole it hoping to sell it for money for drugs? You could misspell Madden or football, cast stoners, and it would be a hit. Hell, you could essentially plug that into the trailer for Your Highness and it would be the same damn thing. Crap, I think I just wrote the next hit comedy for Seth Rogen or Danny McBride. I’m on a role, baby!

1 COMMENT

  1. Regarding Portman, she never showed any skin in Black Swan, so this is nothing new, its all a big tease. Wait and see, she’ll start ripping her clothes off when shit approaches 40, as she grasps at every last straw for attention.

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