Movie News for Green Lantern, 30 Minutes or Less, Transformers, and more!

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Funny trailer for 30 Minutes or Less, a new Green Lantern TV Spot, casting for Savages and Ted, the new Jason Bourne, and because Transformers doesn’t have enough posters, I give you yet another.

30 Minutes or Less

30 Minutes or Less, starring Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari, has a trailer, and it looks kinda funny. Mostly the concept seems good, although that doesn’t mean the writing is all that great. It’s a red band trailer, and yet there’s relatively little in the way of swearing. Sure, there are a few lines, but it isn’t all that dirty. Unlike your momma. She is real dirty. Like, stanky ho dirty.

Green Lantern

Green Lantern is still going to suck. This TV spot, while moderately pretty at moments, does NOTHING to lessen my fears. SUCK. SUCK. SUCK. That’s what this film is going to do.

Savages

Oliver Stone’s Savages is said to be about to add John Travolta and Uma Thurman, as well as boobs Mcgee, aka Blake Lively (You explain why she keeps getting work, and if the answer doesn’t include the word ‘boobs’ I’ll shut up). Travolta is going to play Dennis, a burned out DEA agent. Lively will play O, which I assume is because that’s the shape her mouth made while she ‘auditioned’ for the role, and Thurman will play Lively’s mom, Pagu. Pagu. Sounds like a spaghetti sauce. Pagu. I know it’s Prego, but Pagu is close.

Ted

Seth MacFarlane’s Ted, a half live action, half CGI monstrosity, has added Jessica Stroup to the cast. Well, she is attractive. I like that much about her. Of course, when she begins talking to a CGI teddy bear I’m going to hate her guts.

Bourne, Kinda

So the brilliant movie studios have decided to reboot the Jason Bourne series, but instead of calling their new hero Jason Bourne, they’re going to call him… something. The film will be called The Bourne Legacy, but little else is known. I like Renner, but this is like making a new James Bond film and calling the lead something OTHER than James Bond. And he doesn’t get his martini’s shaken, and he isn’t a spy, he just dresses up in suits and bangs hot broads.

Actually, I’d see that film.

Transformers

Transformers: Dark of the Moon, has a new banner poster, to complement yesterday’s Bumblebee poster. This one is of Shockwave. He’s a bad guy. You can tell because he’s not colorful. The bad guys are black. Hmmm… I think that’s sorta racist. Of course, the hip hop twins from the second one were also racist, but not in the same way. That was more insensitive racism. This whole “bad people are black” thing is far more overt. I say we boycott.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won’t apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn’t read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.