Movie news for Dredd, Snow White, Argo, 7500 & More!

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Pics for Snow White and the Huntsman, Riddick, Argo, Dredd and Burt Wonderstone, a poster for Resident Evil, horrid footage from Step Up 4, and a 7500 trailer!

Snow White and the Huntsman

Snow White and the Huntsman has two new photos up, this time featuring the Huntsman/Thor and The Evil Witch/Babe. I think Chris Hemsworth is a pretty big dude. Why did they have to put him next to little people? To make him look bigger? Really?

I just realized those are probably the seven dwarves. Nards.

Riddick

Riddick has a new of… well… Riddick. And he’s got a knife. And his sunglasses. And he forgot his sleeves, but girlfriend, who cares? Look at those arms. Rawr.

Argo

Ben Affleck looks like the coolest dude EVER in this new still from Argo. Check out the swagger he clearly has in those hips. And that hair! Also worth noting is the décor. I would hesitate to call it AMAZING, but I would not hesitate to call it shit.

Now I want to make a joke using the word ‘ergo,’ and then spit in your monkey balled faced, ergo, I shall.

Oh, about the movie. Affleck is a CIA agent who specializes in getting people out of places. Countries, prison, marriages. Okay, maybe not marriages, but I’d bet after Armageddon came out a few women thought about leaving their husbands.

Cause the movie turned them into lesbians!

Oh, and Affleck will be helping six hostages escape from Iran in a daring plan. Involving a movie crew. And I think a fake movie named… Argo. BAM. Daredevil does it again!

Burt Wonderstone

Holy crap did they ever pad the bra of Olivia Wilde in Burt Wonderstone. Is she insanely hot? Yes. Does she have jugs? No.

That’s her in the red. Those boobs are WAY too big. I know her boobs. I’ve studied them.

Oh… this must be one of the movie’s magic tricks! BRILLIANT!

Dredd

Dredd, which is a new movie about JUDGE Dredd, and I think we can all agree that they’ve really captured his cheery demeanor this time around. I felt that Stallone was too morose in the last one. It’s nice to see the lighter side of Dredd.

Resident Evil: Retribution

Resident Evil: Retribution has a pretty cool new poster with missile shot from awesome planes coming RIGHT AT YOU. Cause it’s in 3D n’ stuff.

Also, doesn’t the name “Resident Evil” make you think the movie should be about an evil doctor? Cause he works at a hospital and is a… resident? Hmmmm?

Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ahem.

Step Up 4

Take the worst parts of the Fast and the Furious. Sprinkly in dancing. Make this your salad. You’re on a diet, so it has to be healthy. What should you use as dressing?

Apparently… SHIT. Holy ball turds. These jags actually cause a traffic jam to have a dance off. Why can’t the Joker just set off a bomb? Right there. When the dude jumps off one of those retarded cars that bounces and acts like he shakes them with his fists.

Maybe the Incredible Hulk could eat him.

“I wish I could just break the rules.”

Dear lord, are there people who actually have rules against dance offs? I mean, besides me. I’d lock my kid in a closet if I saw him dancing like this. Those ballerinas and broadway dancers have to work really hard for years, and it’s not so they can learn to crunk. Or whatever.

Step Up 4 has some footage up, and it makes me want to punch a teenager in the soul. Is there a finisher like that in Mortal Combat? Cause I’d like to do that.

7500

I just did the preview for 7500, and now there’s a trailer. It looks… well, sorta like I thought it would. Except I didn’t realize that turning your electronics off on a plane is to protect against GHOSTS.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.