Elysium has a SICK new trailer! And Percy Jackson looks lame! And World War Z… Meh!

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percy jackson june 131

Some nice new trailers for Elysium and R.I.P.D., posters that range from decent to turdsville for Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters, Only God Forgives and We’re the Millers, and film clips for World War Z and Turbo!

Elysium

Elysium has an incredible new trailer. It’s that simple. You’ll get a much better feel for the story, and the action/special effects look balls to the walls amazing. Start with the story. Basically, Matt Damon is a reformed thief who gets radiation poisoning and is given only 5 days to live. The only way to save himself is to get to Elysium, a floating paradise with incredibly advanced medical science. He’s also sweet on a nurse/doctor lady, who is caring for a sick child. He goes to great lengths to both save himself and the girl by hijacking a vast system and using a super powered suit to get to Elysium and save himself, the girl, and bring the tech back to Earth so it can be used by those that need it.

Awesome.

R.I.P.D.

R.I.P.D. has a rather boring new international trailer that more or less stays true to the stuff we’ve seen so far, with a few minor tweaks. I’m honestly just not all that interested in this film. Hopefully it’ll bring something new to the table that Men in Black didn’t years and years ago.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters has a two new posters today, and remember how I said turdsville above? It’s these. The one of Percy with the sword isn’t a total turd, but the one of Grover is just lame. It’s like the one of Percy from a few days ago, but of the sidekick. Yawn. Wake me when the hot chick shows up.

Only God Forgives

I’m really worried about Only God Forgives. I loved the director’s last film, Drive, which also starred Ryan Gosling, but I’ve heard nothing but the absolute worst reviews for this film. Hopefully, if the advanced reviews are right, it’s just a hiccup on the road to many more amazing films a la Drive. The poster is sorta cool though, and makes me think of Fight Club. Anyone else getting that?

We’re the Millers

Well, like I said yesterday, We’re the Millers has another new poster up, and this one is of Jennifer Aniston as the stripper mom in the film. She sure is pretty. I’ll be honest, I want to see her strip. She’s well North of 40 now, and her booty is delicious.

Right?

World War Z

World War Z has a new film clip that’s clearly edited in the middle, and isn’t much of a clip to be honest. It’s Brad Pitt telling some soldiers that the whole world is in a crappy state at the moment. I feel this film will end up being the second biggest flop of the summer, behind The Lone Ranger (which may do very well internationally so it won’t matter).

Oh well.

Turbo

Huh. Look at that. Another bit of news for a film starring Ryan Reynolds that doesn’t look very good. Turbo has a new film clip showcasing the lead snail, Turbo, in front of a TV dreaming of being a great racer. I actually do the same thing, only not for racing. It’s not really appropriate to talk about what I’m doing, but it rhymes with asturbate.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.