Camp X-Ray (2014) – Kristen Stewart Solves Terrorism

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Camp X-Ray2

Camp X-Ray is a drama about a new military prison guard at Guantanamo Bay who befriends a prisoner. The film aims to show the truth of what the conditions were like at Guantanamo Bay.

The basic thrust of the film is that Kristen Stewart (I KNOW) plays Private Amy Cole, a small town girl hoping to get away from her boring existence. So she joins the Army, and is ultimately assigned duty as a prison guard at Guantanamo Bay. She befriends Ali Amir, a prisoner who has been at the Bay for 8 years. She learns or believes that he is innocent, and comes to question everything she knew about the Army, the United States, and probably sparkly vampires.

What would be really funny is if the film turns into a prison escape flick, where she helps Ali escape, only to find out too late that he was lying the whole time and is really a terrorist who does something unspeakable because of her help. It’s only funny because it’d be fiction. If it was a true story it would be far less humorous.

Also, I believe soldiers and prison guards are supposed to be emotionless creatures, so Kristen Stewart should be perfect.

Camp X-Ray

Camp X-Ray comes from writer/director Peter Sattler, who has mainly been a graphic designer up to this point in his career, including doing some graphic design work on Star Trek. So… maybe we’ll see the Enterprise?

Pictures

Camp X-Ray Trailer

Camp X-Ray Release Date

October 17, 2014.

Who’s In It?

Kristen Stewart… Pvt. Amy Cole
Peyman Moaadi – Ali Amir
Tara Holt – Pvt. Mary Winters
John Carroll Lynch – Col. Drummond
Lane Garrison – Cpl. ‘Randy’ Ransdell

What’s Good About It?

Camp X-Ray has an absolutely fantastic cast, with Kristen Stewart… OH

What’s Bad About It?

NEVER MIND. THIS FILM IS GONNA BLOW DONKEY NUTS AND BE A LAUGHING STOCK THAT ENDS K-STEWART’S CAREER…

Actually, that should probably go in the good section…

Our Clever Prediction

Camp X-Ray will be an epic fail. No one will see it. It isn’t a true story, and based on the graphic design background (rather than, say, journalism) of the writer/director, there is legit no chance this film will accurately depict Guantanamo Bay. It’s just a film the filmmakers want you to believe is true to life, when it’s really just a fantasy. Guantanamo Bay could certainly be an intense background for a great movie, but this is not going to be it.