Vanishing on Seventh Street (2011)

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Answer to the question asked in the trailer: I would assume I’m crazy, and then go to a women’s restroom, just to see what it’s like. Now you can’t help but check out this preview, just to learn the question.

Vanishing on Seventh Street is almost the film I want to see. It just got it backwards. Instead of a world where everyone has disappeared except Hayden Christensen, I just want his pussy, whiny little bitch version of Darth Vader to be gone. On a side note, wouldn’t it have been funny if the last man on earth after everyone disappears gets hit by a plane?

And seriously, another film where the evil monster is afraid of light? Why can’t he be afraid of candy? I always carry an emergency pack of Skittles. I would survive!

Trailer

The Scoop

Director Brad Anderson previously made The Machinist, which is the film that Christian Bale got scary thin for, so perhaps he’ll be able to talk Hayden into doing something ridiculously stupid and dangerous for Vanishing on Seventh Street. Like, disappear. For good.

Who’s It For?

Rated R for language. Language? Really? If I’m seeing an R rated film, I expect boobs. Sheesh.

Movie Release Date

February 2011.

Who’s In It?

Hayden Christensen … Luke
Thandie Newton … Rosemary
John Leguizamo … Paul
Taylor Groothuis … Briana
Jordan Trovillion … Concession Girl
Jacob Latimore … James

Interesting Fact

A much more interesting film would be Vanishing Seventh Street, in which a magician makes a street disappear. I once saw David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear. It was awesome. And, as I’m a scientist, I know that it is only possible with magic. You could never do such a thing with mirrors. It’s too big. Pure magic.

Related Movies

I Am Legend, 28 Days Later, The Walking Dead (Best. Show. EVER)

What’s Good About It?

At least it has John Leguizamo. He should add a bit of class to the project. Did you see him in Land of the Dead? Totally got robbed not getting the Oscar. On a related note, I thought his career had vanished. Snap. I totally just burned John Leguizamo. This would be a more glorious moment if he didn’t have a billion dollars cause he voices that rat thing in the Ice Age movies. Damn. You win, Leguizamo. You win.

What’s Bad About It?

Hayden Christensen.

Our Clever Prediction

The trailer doesn’t look half bad, and it’s coming out in February, which is a good month for people who want to see everyone disappear, cause of the cold. Also, my birthday is in February, (5th, I expect PRESENTS) and it is the only good thing besides Groundhog Day to ever come out of the month. I mean the movie. Not just the ‘holiday.’

Does Canada celebrate Groundhog Day? Or is it like Christmas, where you smelly Canucks refuse to honor Santa, and will therefore burn in hell for all eternity?

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.