Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

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Transformers 3, actually called ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’. It is the third film in the mega series based on the classic cartoon show with cars and other vehicles transforming into big robots and fighting, all the while millions of humans die.


Promising to be darker and more introspective (first time those words have ever been used in conjunction with a Michael Bay film) Transformers 3 will delve more into the history of the machines and their home on Cybertron. No doubt there will be a massive number of explosions. And loudness. And… (wait for it)

3D!!!

Trailer

As proof of the whole ‘explosions’ thing I mentioned, there is a video online that someone made from their apartment building in Chicago (!) with lots of crap blowing up.



Pics

The Scoop

Yes, Michael Bay is back in the director’s seat for what he’s said will be his last Transformers film. Caving to studio pressure, Bay has decided to make the film in 3D, which when combined with his usual visual tastes, will probably kill the millions of people who see this film. The explosions will be so real that they will blast right through your retinas and fry your brains. They did get Ehren Kruger (brother of Freddie) to script, and since he script the second Transformers movie, we know the quality will be right back up there. Here’s hoping for more for more Transformers heaven!

Who’s It For?

PG-13.

Movie Release Date

July 1, 2011.

Who’s In It?

Shia LaBeouf … Sam Witwicky
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley … Carly
Josh Duhamel … Major Lennox
Hugo Weaving … Megatron (voice)
Patrick Dempsey
John Malkovich … Sam’s Boss
Ken Jeong
Frances McDormand … National Intelligence Director
Alan Tudyk
Tyrese Gibson … Robert Epps
John Turturro … Simmons

Interesting Fact

Megan Fox was dropped from the film because of the friction between her and Michael Bay. You know, friction caused by a moronic Hollywood starlet who thinks she’s big star and will get lots of work even though the only really successful films she’s done involve robots that transform. So they dropped her overly tattooed ass and got Rosie Huntington-Whiteley to replace her. At least Shia LaBeouf will have a Victoria’s Secret model to keep him warm.

Related Movies

Transformers, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Bad Boys, Armageddon

What’s Good About It?

After the first two, as well as every other film Bay has every made, I think we know what to expect. Nothing wrong with that. Sure, they’re stupid, but if you expect more, then the only thing stupider would be you.

And I know stupider isn’t a word.

What’s Bad About It?

After the robo heaven in the last one, I have virtually no faith in the story. No doubt the robots will look cool, but this has to be the dumbest film to come out next year.

Oh, and Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey is in it. Whoo.

Our Clever Prediction

No doubt the box office will be huge regardless of the critical backlash. I will love it. For I am retarded!

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

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