The Mechanic tells the story of an assassin who takes on an apprentice after killing the kid’s father. Oh snap.
Arthur Bishop is a high paid assassin who works primarily for the United States government. After he kills a young man’s father, he does the unthinkable. He takes the boy on as his apprentice. I bet they become best friend forever. Or Bishop doesn’t tell the boy that he killed his father and the boy eventually finds out. He’ll probably hold a gun to his head, shaking, saying he should kill him, and Bishop will apologize, saying something along the lines of “I had to. It was either him or me.” Or some other nonsense equally retarded. He’ll probably also say how close he was to the boy’s father, but in a hetero way, cause this is a Jason Statham movie, and they’ll hug and realize that it’s all okay.
The film is being directed by Simon West, who made Con Air, which up until ten seconds ago I would have sworn was directed by Michael Bay, as well as Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. So expect Oscar to come calling.
Who’s It For?
It hasn’t been rated yet, but I could see it going PG-13 or R. I’m hoping R.
Movie Release Date
January 28, 2011.
Who’s In It?
Jason Statham … Arthur Bishop
Ben Foster … Steve McKenna
Donald Sutherland … Harry McKenna
Christa Campbell … Kelly
Nick Jones … Airport Traveler
Jeff Chase … Burke
Beau Brasso … S.W.A.T.
The Mechanic is a remake of the Charles Bronson classic… The Mechanic.
The Transporter, Crank, The Expendables, The Mechanic, Con Air
What’s Good About It?
Statham is a solid action star at this point. He really does a great job at kicking people in the face when he could just shoot them. For a bald British dude, he sure does the splits while jumping really well.
What’s Bad About It?
No Charles Bronson. When will people learn that just because you can remake these films with the latest action dude it doesn’t mean it will be anywhere near as good as the original. Did anyone see the remake of Get Carter? Hell, it still had Michael Caine, and it sucked. It sucked bad.
Our Clever Prediction
Based on the box office numbers of the last few Statham films, I’m guessing that this will do somewhere between $30 and $60 million. Bet on closer to $30 million.
But the critics will love it. They’ll name an Oscar after The Mechanic. It will later be decided that it was a bad idea to name an Oscar after The Mechanic, because the sequel will be the really good one. Like the Godfather.