The Frozen Ground (2012)

frozen ground

The Frozen Ground is a light-hearted comedy about a man who abducted over two dozen women and hunted them in the Alaskan wilderness. You know what? I don’t think it is a comedy. I may have gotten that wrong.

John Cusack will be playing Robert Hansen, a family man and serial killer. One of his victims, who, based on the fact that she’s being played by Vanessa Hudgens, is a super hot babe, and she escapes from his evil clutches.

The escaped victim, Cindy, teams up with an Alaskan State Trooper and they try to take down the dastardly man.

But that’s not the coolest part. The coolest part is that 50 Cent is in the film. And his character’s name is Pimp Clate Johnson.

I didn’t even know there were pimps in Alaska!

The Frozen Ground

The Frozen Ground was written and directed by Scott Walker. He’s only directed one other film, which was a short called Ordan’s Forest. So… he’s clearly awesome.

Oh, and 50 Cent is producing, so that explains how he got a part.

The Frozen Ground Trailer

The Frozen Ground Release Date

November 30, 2012.


Who’s In It?

 Nicolas Cage
  John Cusack … Robert Hansen
  Vanessa Hudgens … Cindy Paulson
  Radha Mitchell … Allie Halcombe
  50 Cent … Pimp Clate Johnson
  Jodi Lyn O’Keefe … Chelle Ringell
  Dean Norris … Sgt. Lyle Haugsven
  Kevin Dunn … Lt. Bob Jent
  Gia Mantegna … Debbie Peters
  Katherine LaNasa … Fran Hansen
  Michael McGrady … Vice Det. John Gentile
  Richard Schiff
  Bostin Christopher … Al
  Brad William Henke … Carl Galenski
  Ryan O’Nan … Gregg Baker
  Matt Gerald … Ed Stauber
  Lydia Hull … News Anchor

What’s Good About It?

The part about 50 Cent being a pimp. But then there’s also the Vanessa Hudgens stuff.

Actually, this film sounds awesome.

What’s Bad About It?

The director/writer doesn’t have much experience. I don’t think very highly of the concept. I kinda like that there’s a pimp in Alaska. I also hope to see Vanessa Hudgens without her clothes on. Completely nude. And not just some camera phone pics. Those are awesome. Really awesome, but I want more. I like a bit of production when it comes to girls without their clothes on.

Our Clever Prediction

There are so many unknowns at present with The Frozen Ground. Will Vanessa be naked? Will 50 Cent be her pimp? If he isn’t her pimp, why is there a pimp?

I’m actually pretty sure none of this is important to the film they’re making, but I have my own movie. And my movie would make a BILLION dollars.

But on a serious note. Any movie about hunting Vanessa Hudgens is clearly about things I care about. Hunting? Yep. Girls? Yep. Pimps? Sorta.