Step Up 3-D (2010)


Yo, girl. We need to step it up. Nah. Not that way. We done did the streets already. This time we have to dance outside the box. The box of flat movie screens. WHAT?? Step Up 3D? No way.

Way. Totally way. Step Up 3D is happening. It’s all happening. Don’t be late on opening night, or else you might get served. Don’t worry about the film though, because the director of the soon to be second greatest dance film ever (after Step Up 3D comes out, of course) Jon Chu, is back, and this time, he’s cashing in on the latest dance craze. 3 Dimensions. It would be so awesome if I could have made that jump out of the screen. IN YOUR FACE!!

The Script

Dancing comes from the heart (points to half retarded girls knobs), not from in here (points to head wearing mostly backwards facing hat). You don’t need no script to not move bad. You just needs to feel it. For reals. But I needed to get my friend off heroin, so I got him a job writing the film. His name’s (holy mother of god, there are three writers credited with this crapfest!)… not important. And I was just kidding about the heroin, so don’t tells his old lady. Hear?

{Step Up 3D} Trailer

Who’s It For?

No One, everyone. That’s deep. Oh, PG-13.

Movie Release Date

August 6, henceforth to be known as ‘dance day.’ (small caps on purpose, so as not to confuse with the Ides of March)

Who’s In It?

Alyson Stoner … Camille
Harry Shum Jr. … Cable
Sharni Vinson … Natalie
Rick Malambri … Luke
Adam G. Sevani … Moose
Ally Maki … Jenny
Cheryl Alessio … Arcade Player
Christopher Scott … Hair

Related Movies

Any sequels we should know about? If so, let’s link to the official site of that movie, but only if we already don’t cover it here first. Link to our coverage of the movie first, then the official site second.

What’s Good About It?

My favorite thing so far about the film is trying to decide how many people to list from the cast. Is “Arcade player” really important? How about “Hair?” I feel like Hair should outrank Arcade player, but then they may both be nicknames. Kid’s these days. What, with their dancing, hip hop music, cocaine. Wait… Cocaine?

What’s Bad About It?

I’m calling three seizures opening night. People’s brains will prove incapable of handling all those crazy dance moves popping out from the screen. Witchcraft!

Our Clever Prediction

One move, can make you believe like you’re something more. Sniff. I’m gonna cry tears of blood. Cause I’m a vampire. They do that, right? What do you mean this has nothing to do with dancing? One move can set a whole generation free. That move? Knight to b8. Checkmate. For reals.

Previous articleDinner for Schmucks (2010)
Next articleCenturion (2011)
Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.


Comments are closed.