Soul Surfer (2011)

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Soul Surfer is a metaphysical re imagining of The Silver Surfer, where a surfer becomes the herald of a world eater, except in this case the world eater eats your SOUL.

Okay, so none of that’s true, but it sounds AWESOME!!!

In reality, Soul Surfer is the true story of Bethany Hamilton, a competitive teen surfer who is attacked by a shark and has her left arm bitten off. But, in a triumphant moment of human perseverance, she returns to surfing.

Essentially, she answered that question Paul Rudd asked Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall differently than Segel. He was asked if he would quit surfing in a shark bit him, and he said he would. Pansy.

The Scoop

Sean McNamara, your favorite director (he directed Bratz), is at the helm of Soul Surfer. A long time comic book fan, he really felt he had some interesting things to say about the metaphysical realms through the use of surfing. Sorry, I went back to my (better) idea of what the film should be about.

All Bethany did was survive a shark attack and have the courage to get back in the water. Norrin Radd saved his ENTIRE PLANET by agreeing to help Galactus find planets to consume. If you really think about the comparison, Bethany seems somewhat selfish. All she did was continue doing what she loves. Norrin saved his world. That’s like… billions of times better. One is a surfing Jesus. The other is a reasonably courageous girl. I say reasonably because I bet she’s still afraid of spiders. The only people who qualify for true bravery awards are those who know no fear of spiders.

Canadians don’t count, since they are technically part of the arachnid family. The more you know.

Trailer

Not yet. Just imagine Blue Crush, but the blonde chick is missing something… like an arm.

Who’s It For?

PG.

Movie Release Date

April 15, 2011.

Who’s In It?

  Dennis Quaid … Tom Hamilton
  AnnaSophia Robb … Bethany Hamilton
  Jeremy Sumpter … Byron
  Helen Hunt … Cheri Hamilton
  Craig T. Nelson … Dr. Rovinksy
  Kevin Sorbo … Holt Blanchard
  Carrie Underwood … Sarah Hill
  Lorraine Nicholson … Alana Blanchard
  Ross Thomas … Noah Hamilton
  David Chokachi … Paramedic
  Branscombe Richmond … Ben
  Chris Brochu … Timmy
  Sean McNamara … Ripcurl Executive
  Troy Manandic … Youth

Related Movies

Blue Crush, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Robocop, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (Luke lost an arm, so it relates), Jaws

What’s Good About It?

Well, I loved Jaws.

What’s Bad About It?

I worry it’ll be more uplifting than an educational video about what happens when you go swimming with friggin’ sharks. I only surf in wave pools. Sure, it pisses other people off, cause I’m always wacking them with my 12 foot board (penis), and I pee in the water, but there aren’t any sharks.

Our Clever Prediction

Well, it has Dennis Quaid AND Helen Hunt, so this sucker should make mega bucks. It may even surpass mega bucks and get to low level mondo bucks status. I’d give you the conversion rates for mega and mondo bucks, but I know you’ve already read my book “From Mega to Mondo and Beyond, Mathematics for the 22nd Century.”

Yeah, it’s a bit ahead of it’s time. Like a HUNDRED YEARS.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

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