Frank Martin puts the driving gloves on to deliver Valentina, the kidnapped daughter of a Ukranian government official, from Marseilles to Odessa on the Black Sea. En route, he has to contend with thugs who want to intercept Valentina’s safe delivery and not let his personal feelings get in the way of his dangerous objective.
The Truth
Jason Statham is the white Wesley Snipes, in a movie that exagerrates the action and situations so much, it should be classified as a science fiction film. Its not that the Transporter 3 is a terrible film, but its just so over-the-top in its delivery of action and fighting scenes, its almost humourous. Was I supposed to take this film at face value, and watch Jason Statham strip his shirt off at every opportunity and show us his abs without laughing?
When Frank Martin destroys 20 armed men in a fist fight, was I supposed to think…”holy shit Frank Martin is a tough dude I wouldn’t want to mess with”? Its just such a stretch to the imagination, the film comes off as a comedic adventure, with really bad filler thrown in for good measure.
Statham’s “tough guy” attitude wears thin pretty fast in this trilogy, and number 3 is no different. His love interest, ” Valentina”, played by the hero of ginger kids worldwide Natalya Rudakova plays a troubled, kidnapped daughter with an attitude. Nothing says “classy girl” more than when Valentina urinates on the gas station floor, just to show Frank she’s got issues, and he’ll lover her regardless.
Still, the movie clicks along at a pretty good, if not.. in your face pace.. which you’ll either love or hate. I never cared for it, the plot suffered so much that we have to endure wickedly impossible action scenes and impossible situations over and over again. Its all a little too much to ask us to accept and quite frankly I couldn’t. I like to be entertained, but don’t ask me to believe all this silly stuff you are throwing at me, I’m not an idiot.
The Action
Transporter 3 has action, tons of it.. just nothing that could physically take place on this planet with our laws of physics. Maybe you will accept it for what it is, I can’t.
The Laughs
The entire premise and events are laughable. Watching Statham rip his shirt off at every chance is good for a chuckle every time, witnessing him take his Audi through situations an M1 Abrams couldn’t endure is even better. If the new Audi is this tough, this durable.. that it can even survive being submerged under the water, I need one. Apparently the new Audi can also spawn ner windows and paint when needed, as whenever a window is shot out, its right back in the next scene. The paint is always looking brand new, even after being rubbed along the side. Well done Audi.
What’s good about it?
Not much. I heard they ditched Transporter 4 after this pile of junk only did 33 million at the box office, so thats good news.
What’s bad about it?
The film should be classified as a science fiction, then I’d have an open mind when reviewing it.
You’ll Like It If
…..if you can ignore physics and reality while watching Statham strut his naked upper torso at every opportunity. My uncle is an openly gay man, with no sense of reality and heavily medicated on multiple types of mind altering drugs. I’m going to recommend this movie for him. Hi uncle Brian! Hope to see you over the holidays!
Reminds me of
Transporter , Transporter 2, Die Hard 4.
The Verdict
If Transporter 3 could be described as a smell, I can best relate it to that foul stench that arrives shortly after eating 2 egg salad sandwiches, followed by some fried baloney and a cup of coffee.
Related Movies
* The Transporter (2002)
* Transporter 2 (2005)
Tags: Action, Dec 08, Jason Statham, Natalya Rudakova, Robert Knepper ., Worst of 2008