House Movie Review

Michael Corleone April 6, 2009 Comments Off

In rural Alabama, two couples find themselves in a fight for survival while running from a maniac (The Tin Man) bent on killing them.

The Scoop

They are lost and trying to find their way back to the interstate so they won’t miss their marriage counselling appointment when they run over some metal on the dirt road. It starts to rain (spooky rain) so the couple start walking to find help when they come across a (spooky inn) that wasn’t there before. They go inside and discover another couple that had car trouble and the (spooky innkeeper and her son). They are all about to be punished for the sins they have committed.

The Truth

This movie was rated R which I can’t understand because there was no foul language or any gruesome killings (Bugs Bunny has worse scenes and language). I know this was a low budget movie and let me tell you it shows from the poor acting and muddled plot. The movie basically was letting us know that good can overcome evil if we only embrace the good. The movie was lacking in virtually all areas. I can’t believe I wasted my time watching this. Dean you owe me big time.

The Action

There wasn’t much to report on the action side. There were a few chase scenes that involved a single actor and the camera but that was about it.

The Laughs

The best part in this area was the innkeeper’s creepy son who has that loving feeling for one of the inn’s patrons. He spent a lot of good film time confessing his love for her.

Things I learned from House

1. Never set up a marriage counselling appointment and then try to take a short cut to get there through the woods.

2. If you are ever handed a rusty tin can with writing on it telling you how to stay alive while you are at an inn, then leave immediately.

3. If you are ever molested as a child, make sure you don’t kill the molester or you will suffer for that sin for eternity.

4. Avoid driving over a single metal object because it can flatten every one of your tires (carry 4 spares with you at all times).

5. If your girlfriend is hot, keep her away from the pale faced creepy guys you run into at inns that are located in the middle of the woods.

6. Michael Madson should have stopped making movies after reservoir dogs (dam he was good in that one. Bring back Mr. I can’t remember which color he was)

7. If you are getting a divorce and you get handed a tin can from a murderer that states he must have 1 dead body by sunrise or everyone dies. Guess who is taking one for the team (ha ha no more marriage counselling).

What’s bad about it?

I am not a negative guy and I like to look for the good things rather than the bad. I am struggling with this one because pretty much the whole movie was weak for an actor of Michael Madsen’s ability.

The Verdict

If you don’t care about, the acting, the plot, or if you are not expecting a horror movie at all than this is the one for you. There is nothing new or memorable to be seen here and you will soon forget about the movie.

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