Holiday weekend news extravaganza. And by ‘extravaganza’ I mean there’s a handful of things, cause it was a holiday. Kwanza or something. My point is: not a lot of news happens over holidays. Set photo from Twilight! (I’m trying to bring in the young female audience today. I need a date)

Me so lonely.

Twilight

As promised, there is a new photo from the next Twilight film. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn will apparently incorporate something during the Christmas season. I look at the photo and I notice a handful of candles. Very romantic. I’m romantic like that.

Ladies? Sorry, this is for Twilight.

Girls?

One thing I just started thinking. Back in the day, they used to put actual candles in Christmas trees. Nowadays we have electric lights, but they used to put a number of flaming lights in a fire hazard. I’m all for population control, but seriously, this is a rough way to weed out the weak of the herd.

On the topic of population control, ‘Canada! Did you know that spiking fruit punch with weed killer will get you seriously buzzed? Totally true.’

The rest of the world should not do this. It only works in Canada. And now that I think about it, I might get in trouble if a bunch of kids try that. Crap. I was sooooo close to weeding out the weak part of the herd.

‘Canada! Don’t drink weed killer. It’s bad for you.’ Please don’t sue.

Captain America

Ever notice how there isn’t a ‘Captain Canada?’ Well, there was Alpha Flight, but they sucked and nobody is EVER going to make a movie about them. Anyways, there are a couple of magazine scans for next summer’s Captain America, starring the Human Torch. Admittedly, I thought the film was going to suck, but then I saw these behind the scenes photos, and WOW, I am sold. Look at the broad standing in a Jeep while it’s not moving! Crazy. Apparently, the shots are from a Dutch magazine. They would be happy about a Captain America film, right? If it was a German magazine, they’d probably feel bad about being villains. Wouldn’t it be awesome if they promoted the film with Baron Zemo and the Red Skull being the heroes? Like a bunch of posters with American flags or Cap’s shield being burned? I think it might go well in the rest of the world, where they don’t realize that America is the greatest country ever in the universe. I was going to stop at ‘ever,’ but I wanted to emphasize that the statement didn’t apply just to the US. You’re welcome.

The Three Musketeers

The first official photo from next October’s The Three Musketeers has come online, and I’m so excited. I can only imagine what this will look like in 3D. Probably even better. Is anyone else excited that Logan Lerman is D’Artagnan? Couldn’t be better casting if you ask me. He’s just adorable. Probably the best casting ever.

How the hell am I longing for the days of Chris O’Donnell? Must be some wizardry. Oh, I get it! This film is being produced by O’Donnell to reignite his career so he doesn’t have to star in a CBS show anymore. He wants everyone thinking about the good ole days when he was the next big thing. I bet he’ll play Robin in The Dark Knight Rises.

And where the hell is Orlando Bloom? I thought he was going to be a Musketeer. His career has truly fallen. I’d feel bad for him, but he’s banging Miranda Kerr. Fuck him.

The Avengers

There’s a rumor going around the net about who the villain in The Avengers film will be. The Skrulls and the Kree. Whoa. Two alien races? Crazy. The rumor comes from the Albuquerque Journal, which mostly mentions that the film will be partly filmed in New Mexico, which is better than Mexico, which is better than Canada. SNAP. Take that Canada. You suck worse than Mexico, and you can’t even drink the water there.

I figured that The Avengers had to have a villain like the Skrulls or Kree, cause you need something big enough for all the heroes to come together for. Iron Man has fought robots, Captain America will no doubt win WWII singlehandedly, and Thor will fight gods, so you really need something big for The Avengers, and a full scale Alien Invasion should do the trick. I’m very hopeful, especially as Joss Whedon is directing. He doesn’t suck. I just rewatched Firefly and Serenity, and they rocked.

Finally…

The greatest thing ever. A video of Hugh Jackman playing Cricket, and getting hit in the balls. Yeah. I said GREATEST THING EVER!!!!!