New posters for Underworld, Albert Nobbs, Big Miracle and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, a trailer for The Hunger Games, and pics from Brave and Resident Evil.
Underworld: Awakening
Underworld: Awakening has a new poster, and it confuses me a bit. Why are there sparks? Did Kate Beckinsale blow something up? Is leather a good material for firefighters? Shouldn’t her eyes be bluer? Why is it blurred around her crotch? Was there some sweet camel toe that was covered up?
This movie had BETTER answer these questions.
Albert Nobbs
This is actually a really cool poster for Albert Nobbs. At first, you think it’s just a boring picture of the three stars, but then, if you pay attention like me, you can see that it looks like an oil painting.
That, or they did a really bad photoshop job. Especially on Aaron Johnson.
Big Miracle
Big Miracle, which was previously titled Everybody Loves Whales, has a new poster, but I don’t much like it. This poster does nothing to make me think the film is a CGI version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only with whales. Nuts.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is going to rock my balls off. Yep. It’s a movie that will be so good I’ll end up castrated.
They’ll call me ‘ball-less Joe.’ And I’ll get girls no… mo’. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hah.
Anyways, I like this poster for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It makes me want to sleep with a woman who likely has an STD.
Wait… what?
The Hunger Games
There’s finally a full trailer for The Hunger Games. It actually looks really accurate to the books, and the quality of the actors might actually make the paper thin writing seem decent.
Brave
Pixar’s Brave has a couple new photos, and they make it clear there’s going to be a blue ghost (Casper?) and Scottish folk. I’ve learned so much from two photos.
Wait… shouldn’t I get 2 thousand words? Okay… let’s see. Red hair. Blue faces. Hmmm… Blue faces and a blue ghost-thing? I smell conspiracy. And it looks like the redhead is at Stonehenge. Clearly, the aliens have arrived, and they work at Pixar. Huh.
Resident Evil: Retribution
Milla Jovovich is one of the hottest mommas around, second only to… YOUR MOMMA. Snapdragon!
I hadn’t snapdragoned in a while, and I thought it was about time. Oh, and here are a couple new photos from Resident Evil: Retribution.
