Thanksgiving weekend news. Some sad, some funny. Some sadly funny.
The sadly funny part is when a Canadian recently found his penis. It was where it’s supposed to be, just smaller and he was so stupid he couldn’t find it.
That’s it, Thanksgiving is ruined. Three years in a row. In really unfortunate news, Leslie Nielsen, of Airplane!, Naked Gun, and to a lesser extent Scary Movie fame, died over the weekend. I want to cry. I won’t, cause of the Botox injections, and I don’t want to look weird. But I want to. It seems like only yesterday he was saying, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I won’t. I call you… hero. The only one to ever come out of… Canada. Damn. You win today, Canada. You win today.
I put Star Wars as the title so that you’d read this. In more, also sucky news, Irvin Kirshner, director of The Empire Strikes Back, also died. Obviously the best Star Wars, and more importantly the one that introduced Lando Calisian (I don’t care how it’s spelled, you understand who I mean). He was 87 years old. I hope he died jamming his lightsaber into a princess. Even more tragic as he was an American.
And this is just disturbing. The first picture from Breaking Dawn, the next Twilight film, is online today. Before you ask, no, she didn’t just have relations with a bird. But yes, she did have relations. It appears that Bella was banged so hard that the bed essentially exploded. All. Over. Her. Hand.
Wait, false alarm. Just a handjob. Oh, but I did read a plot summary of this ‘literature,’ and she is banged so hard by the vampire that he knocks her unconscious and gives her a concussion. So he donkey punched her. Been there. Oh, and she gets pregnant with a telepathic baby that the werewolf falls in love with when it’s born. Oh, spoiler alert. (I don’t care if ruined it. If you care enough that I could ruin it for you, you most likely either already read the books, and are retarded. Pick your poison)
Transformers: Dark of the Moon has undergone some attacks as of late (by whom, I do not know), and director/Mr. Calm, Micheal Bay, has responded to the allegations that his film sucks by saying,
“Wow, I read these morons on the internet who think they are in the know. “We have have problems with our 3D????” Really? Come into my edit room and I will show you beautiful 3D. There has never been a live action show that has pushed the boundaries of 3D like Transformers 3. We shot the entire movie with 3D cameras. I actually loved shooting in 3D. I will give full details of my process and why I liked 3D in the next week right before the Transformers announcement piece comes out on Tron and Narnia.”
I will take you up on your offer, Mr. Bay. I will be at the edit room tomorrow, say 9:30ish? Cool. Be there or be square.