Trailers for The Hangover 2 and Everything Must Go, a pic from the set of Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, more casting news for Dark Shadows, and a new writer joins Logan’s Run.

The Hangover 2

There was a new poster a couple days ago, but now we have a full trailer for The Hangover 2. It looks funny, but it’s painful how similar the film looks to the original. I realize that they need to wake up after a bender and have weird shit everywhere, but the plot of having to find a missing guy again is a little too over the top stupid for me. Why not have them wake up with a couple dead hookers and tons of cocaine? They are in Thailand. At least it would be different. Maybe one of the hookers could be a dude.

Everything Must Go

Will Ferrell’s latest attempt to blend comedy and drama, Everything Must Go has a trailer and a poster today. Whippee. Actually, the trailer looks fine, if a little bland. Same goes for the poster. No doubt there’ll be some funny stuff in the film, but I just feel I’ve seen too many versions of this film in recent years. Something new, please.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

There’s a pic from the set of Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters out, and I can’t help but wish they weren’t siblings. Cause the film is going to be ruined by the inevitable sexual chemistry. Just like Clash of the Titans (sorta). In Clash, Gemma Arterton was originally supposed to be Sam Worthington’s sister, and most of the film was shot with this in mind, but the studio decided to do some reshoots and rewrite a bit of the story, and they ended up love interests. Sexy. Oddly, this is how most of Canada meets their mate. The just look in the bedroom next to theirs while they’re growing up, decide, “Why not?” and get it on.

I know. It’s disgusting. Canada should really cut that out.

Dark Shadows

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp’s Dark Shadows is continuing its casting, with Chloe Moretz currently in talkst to join the pic. I hope she turns out to be a blend of Hit Girl and Blade, hunting Johnny Depp’s vampire character while at the same time being a wet dream for pedophiles. I mean Canadians.

I’m on a role. SUCK IT, CANADA.

Logan’s Run

Logan’s Run is still slowly chugging away, with a new writer hired to take on the film. Will Beall will be writing, while Nicolas Winding Refn directing and Ryan Gosling starring. The film is a remake of the original Logan’s Run, which was an adaptation of a novel about a dystopian society in which people are only allowed to live to a certain age before they must be euthanized. Just like Canada.

That is what socialized medicine is, right? I get too much news from overhearing old people talk in cafes about what they’ve heard on Fox News.