I’ve decided that I love you. As such, my loving you means you must also love me. I am loved by so many. I have some goodies for you. Like what does PP look like? (Peter Parker) Who is going to direct that Ouija movie? Who the hell is playing Gretel? WHO????

Huh? Only twelve people read my ravings? A WHOLE twelve? 12? More that 11? Awesome.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, has found it’s Gretel. Jeremy Renner is already attached to the film as Hansel, but now we know that Gretel will be played by Gemma Arterton, from Prince of Persia and Quatum of Solace. The story takes place many years after the original fable, about two kids who are almost eaten by a witch. Fast forward a bit, and they’ve gone all Buffy on their asses. Cool.

Spider-Man

Well, we finally know what Peter Parker will look like in the forthcoming Spider-Man reboot. A hobo who needs to take a crap. Fortunately, Gwen Stacy is into it. Yowza.

Cogan’s Trade

Cogan’s Trade, which is star Brad Pitt as Jackie Cogan, has now reportedly cast Sam Rockwell in the film as well. Casey Affleck is also rumored to be joining the film, but he is still unconfirmed. The film, directed by Andrew Dominik, is about a mob enforcer who gets involved in a police investigation into the mob. But he works for the mob! Whatever will he do?

Godzilla

Godzilla, who, as we all know, is the god of all zillas, is coming back to the big screen. Again. This time, directed by Gareth Edwards, who has a stupid name. Your name is stupid if saying it makes non retards sound like they have a lisp. Gareth. Gareth. The only name gayer than Garth. Anyways, Edwards just made Monsters, which looks cool, and was made for a low six figure budget, so no doubt the producers are hoping to get his expertise in making cool special effects for no money. I only care if he fights Mothra and MechGodzilla.

Ouija

So McG is a douchebag. Oh, we all already knew that. Okay, well, he’s directing the movie based on the Ouija board game. Yippee. At least this means there won’t be another Terminator. I hope.

Mickey Rourke is Awesome

I don’t think I need to add anything to that title. It’s just true, y’know? But, to explain why I’m saying it NOW, it seems Mickey Rourke is a very serious guy, and since he’s going to be starring as a gay rugby star, Gareth (told you it was gay) Thomas, he is considering have his two front teeth removed so that he may more closely resemble the man. How awesome is that? Totally awesome.