Trailers for Paul and The Hangover 2, a Rise of the Apes pic, Wrath of the Titans news, and there’s going to be another Bodyguard. Goody.

Paul

Paul, the Simon Pegg/Nick Frost comedy about an alien who gets high, has a new red band trailer. It’d be funnier if they hadn’t used Seth Rogen as the voice of the alien. Maybe if they used… I don’t know, anyone else, it would be better. Just a thought.

The Hangover 2

A teaser trailer is finally out for The Hangover 2, and it is the most blatant usage of the ole “did you like the original film? Then you’ll LOVE this!” that I have ever seen. Seriously, the film might be decent, but essentially all they’ve shown us is Ed Helm’s Mike Tyson face tattoo, Zach Galifianakis’ shaved head, and that Bradley Cooper still looks cool. I hope you liked the first one, because it’ll be more of the same. Yippee.

Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans, the sequel to the monster turdfest Clash of the Titans, which will be directed by Battle: Los Angeles’ director Jonathan Liebesman, will be shot in 2D and converted to 3D, just like the previous film. The director explained his choice by essentially saying that the first film looked terrible because it was shot and edited with 2D in mind, and his film will have 3D in mind, but because he wants a ‘gritty’ look for his film, it’ll work better to film on film and convert it afterward. I don’t think that makes sense, but then I’m not on cocaine. I am still covered in butter, but no cocaine. Oh, and the film will start shooting in the next ten days. I doubt there’s a script yet, but then that’s why Hollywood is so awesome. They can tell stories without a story. And considering the casting of Sam Worthington, they can act without actors. I could keep going, and I will. They can direct, without a director. Edit without an editor. Have sex without a wiener. Wiener is a funny word. I could keep going, and I will. Juggs is also a funny word. Johnson. Willie. Schlong. Dong. Bing Bong. That last one wasn’t really a word for a wiener (or is it?), but it rhymed, and I’m like Shakespeare, but more handsome and talented. And I’m not dead. You know what’s awesome? This paragraph started out as a news item about Wrath of the Titans. It just shows you that it’s the journey that’s important. The journey, man.

The Bodyguard

Warner Bros is planning a remake of The Bodyguard. I think they should cast a young actress who looks clean and nice, but who is going to go crazy and get messed up on cocaine. I think that was the formula for the original. Oh, and the new one is going to use Twitter. Sweet.

Rise of the Apes

There’s a picture out from Rise of the Apes, which I’ve heard is about James Franco getting his arms stuck in a canyon, cutting it off, and then getting eaten by monkeys. I’m never wrong. This is an early scene in the film (clearly) since he still has two arms and neither is stuck in between a rock and a hard place, like another rock. I’m like a scientist. In the same believable way that Franco is in this picture. Science.