I’m totally hitting you all with non-sexual innuendo. What’s non-sexual innuendo? You’ll just have to enter to find out.

It’s nothing. There’s no way something can be taken without sexual overtones. For instance, ‘Sally, your shirt looks great.’

See? I just sexually harassed a woman named Sally. I should clarify that I’m cupping her ample bosom while I talk to her, but you all probably understood what was going on. High five!

Mother’s Day

In what will no doubt be the scariest Mother’s Day film ever, Mother’s Day is a film about a crazy mom who will do anything to protect her two sons. The sons are, of course, bank robbers, and they take a family hostage and start torturing them, cause when you have guns you can’t just tie people up and then continue doing your crime stuff. Oh, but it’s directed by the dude who did a couple Saw films, so it has to be good.

Cars 2

Two new photos from this summer’s blockbuster animated hit, Cars 2, have been released. Am I the only one who doesn’t think there’s enough Car? SNAP.

Red 2

Remember how awesome Red was? Well, it was, apparently. So the studio has hired the first film’s screenwriters to come up with a sequel. I hope it isn’t called Red 2. I hope it’s Reds, or R2d, or Red II. It’s always classier with Roman numerals. Or maybe Retired, Extremely Dumb. Or Disturbed, or dumpalicious. I’m like Beyonce, who made up Bootilicious, but I did it with dumps. Actually, that’s fairly accurate of everything I do. Beyonce did it first, but then I one up’d her by making it about dumps. Sometimes I do it with Fergie. My lovely lady dumps. SNAP.

No, that was more than just a snap. That one burned too. What snaps and burns at the same time? A SNAP DRAGON.

SNAPDRAGON!

Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two has a new production photo out. And it is magnificent. It’s of the best character in the whole series. Neville Longbottom. Huh? Is it just me, or does he look like a child molester who finally got what was coming to him? Totally.