New trailers for Sinister, Resident Evil: Retribution and Magic Mike, posters for Total Recall, film clips for Ice Age: Continental Drift and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and pics from The Dark Knight Rises.

Sinister

Sinister has a new trailer, and I have to give it credit, for a horror film trailer it really did its job. I just shit my pants. And that has VERY little to do with the Mexican food I ate earlier. It’s at least 80-20 the trailer.

Maybe 60-40.

Perhaps even 50-60. THAT’S CALLED AMERICAN MATH. WE ALWAYS GIVE 110%. EVEN. WHEN. SHITTING.

So the trailer for Sinister gives me a bit of a different idea of the upcoming horror film starring Ethan Hawke. Essentially it’s The Ring, with a scary thing in a video/photo who kills people n’ such. Cool.

Resident Evil: Retribution

Resident Evil: Retribution has a new trailer that tells me the one thing I needed to know to get excited about this new sequel: I can leave my brain at home. Honestly, I’ll be happy if it turns out there was an actual script during filming and not just the actors improvising while director Paul W. S. Anderson just did coke.

It looks SOOOO good.

Magic Mike

Magic Mike has a new red band trailer, and I don’t want to give away what’s red band about it, but I have to. It’s man ass in thongs. AGH.

Couldn’t they have balanced it a little bit with some lady butt?

Ice Age: Continental Drift

Ice Age: Continental Drift has a new film clip that teaches us all a valuable lesson: there’s a rainbow around every corner. Amen, brother. Amen.

Also, there’s a storm brewing, and it isn’t brewing non-alcoholic beer.

Total Recall

Total Recall has a couple more of those viral posters that ask us what our fantasy is. I’d actually like to combine today’s two options into one super awesome experience. I’d like to be on the moon watching super sexy girls in bathing suits suffocate and freeze to death in the cold expanse of space.

AND I’D GET TO BE ON THE MOON!!!

[Show as slideshow]

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Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter has a couple new film clips all condensed into this one sweet video, and it’s pretty much all action. I like action. Do you know my middle name?

It’s not action. It’s Brian Banana (Flying is my first name. Flying Hammock).

But I like Action. That was the point of what I just said.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – Film Clips by cleetusvandamne

The Dark Knight Rises

The Dark Knight Rises has a couple new photos that mainly focus on the new ride of Batman’s in the film, which is currently being called The Bat, though I prefer to call it the Batwing. CAUSE THAT SHOULD BE ITS NAME. SHEESH.

So it looks cool. Also, there’s a big metal ball which I assume is part of Bane’s dastardly plan. I think it’s supposed to be an EMP device, which would knock out all electronics in the city, leaving Bane’s army of goons to control Gotham. I’m just guessing though.