Movie News for The Raven, Cowboys and Aliens, Green Lantern, and The Hangover 2!

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Some news to hold you over until the next episode of ‘The Biggest Loser.’

I’ve decided this week my problem with Canada will focus on their lack of military. What’s that? They have a military? It’s called the girl scouts? Do they have girl scouts in Canada?

Green Lantern

ET is going to have some exclusive footage of Green Lantern tomorrow, but there’s a teaser of their teaser online. I’ve heard that the trailer will be with Harry Potter, which is coming up pretty soon. (this weekend, the 19th.)

I just want to be sure that we’re all on the same page after watching that and agree that it sucked. A good Green Lantern movie would be like the US military. Meaning awesome and effective. What I’ve just seen makes me think it’ll be like the Canadian military. Meaning annoying and ruining things from my childhood while also looking gay. Burn. Canada. (I don’t mean that I want Canada to burn, I mean burn, as in, “Oh I burned you so bad.” But in this instance ‘you’ is Canada.)

I’ll try again. You have just been insulted CANADA. Which sucks for you. (much clearer)

Oh, also, guess what country Ryan Reynolds is from? Come on. Guess. Did you say Canada? You should have, and HE’S FUCKING THE FILM UP. Someday they’ll realize that Canadians can’t even PRETEND to be heroes without missing the mark by a Canadian-sized amount.

Cowboys and Indians

A teaser poster has come online for Cowboys and Aliens, and it looks awesome. It has everything I need. Gun? Check. Colorful arm blaster weapon? Check. Cowboy? Check. Daniel Craig’s backdoor? Check and check again.

I doubt Canada’s entire military could withstand this badass for more than 18 seconds. It’s embarrassing, really. I’d be watching the battle and think to myself, “I should get some popcorn.” I’d go put in in the microwave, and before it was finished, Daniel Craig would already have outlawed hockey and mooseknuckle.

The Raven

Here’s a set pic of John Cusack as Edgar Allen Poe in The Raven. In the film, Poe teams up with a detective to thwart a killer who is using the writer’s work as inspiration for his murders. Looks okay. Although Poe just had a mustache, and not a goatee.

Apparently, the preview of The Raven got lost or something, cause I’m reasonably sure I did one, and I can’t find it, so I’ll have that up later.

And here it is.

The Hangover 2

Two notes worth mentioning about The Hangover 2. First, Paul Giamatti has a role in the film. I don’t think it’s a big role, but some part. I’m happy about that, but I’m even happier about the other cameo in the film.

Bill Clinton. I asked my brother which former president was most likely to go to Bangkok and have a cameo in The Hangover 2. He guessed right on the first guess. It would’ve been funny if it was Carter, but he’s busy building houses or something. Do you think Clinton gets high fives from his secret service agents while bangin’ all manner of hot bitches? I do. And it makes me smile.

On a related note, I feel that three secret service agents could singlehandedly take over Canada. They’re not as awesome as cowboy James Bond with laser guns, but they’d still get the job done.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

2 COMMENTS

  1. John Cusack is starting to show his age. I am excited about the Hangover 2. The first one was not the most original film, but was hilarious.

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