Movie News for Source Code, Lincoln Lawyer, Buffy, and Inferno!

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Have you enjoyed watching Jake Gyllenhaal die in the past? Did you wish the time dagger didn’t revive him in Price of Persia? Wanna watch him die a lot? Read on.

Source Code

A trailer is up for Source Code, Jake Gyllenhaal’s next big action extravaganza. It’s kinda like Groundhog Day meets 12 Monkeys, but it has Jake Gyllenhaal, so it’ll blow. I do like Michelle Monaghan, and the trailer promises that we will see ol’ Jakey die a bunch, so it may be worth the $10 admission. And yes, I’m aware that there isn’t a preview, yet. Wait a bit. I’m working on it. And… done. I AM ON IT.

The Lincoln Lawyer

The Lincoln Lawyer finally has a trailer, and it looks decent, although they aren’t pushing the idea that Matthew McConaughey lives out of his car enough. HE LIVES OUT OF HIS CAR. And he’s a lawyer. A Time to Kill? More like a time to find a place to live. And not with your momma. I bet his mom kicked him out for playing bongos in the nude. I hope the film ends with McConaughey running a judge over with a Chevy. Cause he’s a Lincoln Lawyer, and the judge was a Chevy man. They’re both screwed though, cause I’m Ford tough.

Buffy

So Warner Brothers has figured out a new way to cash in on the whole vampire craze going on right now. They’re rebooting Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Rumor has it she’ll first appear in the last Twilight film in a moment not from the book, but one which will delight all non-Twihards. (This rumor brought to you by TPATCYAM, or The People Against Twilight Cause You’re All Morons)

My favorite part is the quote from producer Charles Roven, who said,

“Details of the film are being kept under wraps, but I can say while this is not your high school Buffy, she’ll be just as witty, tough, and sexy as we all remember her to be.”

So she’ll be a new Buffy, not the one from our high school (isn’t the point that she’s a high school vampire slayer?) but she’ll still be what we remember her to be. So she won’t be the old Buffy, but she will be how we remember her. Does that mean that we’re all remembering her differently from who she was?

Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story

It looks like Lindsay Lohan is no longer going to star in the Linda Lovelace biopic, Inferno. She’s been replaced by Malin Akerman, of Watchman fame, who is way better than Lohan, as she has a history of showing her knobs and back page on film. Lohan would have probably had a body double or some such nonsense. It’s a movie about a porn star. I want boobies. And Akerman is hotter anyways. And not a bitch. Or a whore. Or a train wreck. Or a duck. Or the moon. What else is Malin Akerman not? Discuss.

1 COMMENT

  1. There is a brilliance hidden in your writings, possibly the ramblings of a madman, but brilliant regardless.

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