Movie News for Sherlock, Hop, Lone Ranger, Unknown, and Apollo 18!

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So there’s a ton of stuff to talk about before Thanksgiving. Let us give thanks.

For those of you of Canadian descent, Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday about eating. Now stop molesting children.

Hop

I’m just getting this one out of the way first. There’s a trailer for Hop. It’s the animated film starring Russell Brand where he plays a bunny. It comes out near Easter. Don’t worry, though. He isn’t some lame bunny. Nope. He rocks to Blur, meaning he’s super awesome. Brand’s voice doesn’t even make an appearance (?) and yet I want to shoot the damn thing.

Sherlock Holmes 2

The first official photo from Sherlock Holmes 2 is up, and I have to admit, I’ve never wanted to bang a Union army cadet so bad before.

Apollo 18

You can probably already see it, unless you have a strange way of reading everything on the page before scrolling, and then you still would have had to stop at an interesting point not to it. So there’s a poster for Apollo 18. For conspiracy theorists (meaning morons) out there, now you’ll have to decide if your conspiracy is that they never landed on the moon, or of we found aliens there. I’m with the aliens idea personally.

Uncharted

Damnit. I knew this would happen. David O. Russell’s adaptation of Uncharted will star Mark Wahlberg as Nathan Drake. Damn damn damn. I feel violated. Don’t get me wrong, he looks like Drake, he just acts like a turd. Nathan Drake should be more Indiana Jones than Max Payne. I’d seriously rather have Shia Lebouf than Wahlberg. Yeah, I said it.

Wahlberg also confirmed that the film is approaching Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci for roles in the film. That doesn’t suck. But the rest does.

Unknown

There’s a poster for Liam Neeson’s next attempt at Taken, Unknown. It looks fine, although I was really hoping for just a big question mark and someone whistling the theme from the X-Files. I’m whistling it right now, but my computer doesn’t want to translate it to text. Hmmm. Wooo woo woo woowho who. It think that was too many woos. Or too many whos. Shutup.

The Lone Ranger

Finally, some really awesome news. It appears that Gore Verbinski will be directing Disney’s The Lone Ranger, which currently has Johnny Depp attached to play Tonto. The film will be produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, so it should have lots of stuff blow up, and with Verbinski in the director’s chair, most of those explosions should make sense. I am happy about this news. Now, if they’ll just cast me as the Lone Ranger.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I mentioned the reboot of Buffy a few days ago, and now creator Joss Whedon has a few things to say. It is funny and I like him.

“This is a sad, sad reflection on our times, when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths—just because they can’t think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself.
Obviously I have strong, mixed emotions about something like this. My first reaction upon hearing who was writing it was, “Whit Stillman AND Wes Anderson? This is gonna be the most sardonically adorable movie EVER.” Apparently I was misinformed. Then I thought, “I’ll make a mint! This is worth more than all my Toy Story residuals combined!” Apparently I am seldom informed of anything. And possibly a little slow. But seriously, are vampires even popular any more?
I always hoped that Buffy would live on even after my death. But, you know, AFTER. I don’t love the idea of my creation in other hands, but I’m also well aware that many more hands than mine went into making that show what it was. And there is no legal grounds for doing anything other than sighing audibly. I can’t wish people who are passionate about my little myth ill. I can, however, take this time to announce that I’m making a Batman movie. Because there’s a franchise that truly needs updating. So look for The Dark Knight Rises Way Earlier Than That Other One And Also More Cheaply And In Toronto, rebooting into a theater near you.”

Look at all this crap! I give and I give. I am AWESOME.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

1 COMMENT

  1. The real Thanksgiving already happened, your holiday is a farce. Will you gather around and watch Planes Trains and Automobiles?

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