Mother’s Day (2011)

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What’s scarier than Mother’s Day? Nothing. The mail is overflowing, and mothers everywhere are full of self-worth. Except in Canada, where them bastards don’t love their mothers. Bastards.

Three brothers on the run from the law (probably Chuck Norris or one of the CSI dudes) come home only to find out that their mother lost their home in a foreclosure, damn you, banks!

Well, guess what? The three brothers start terrorizing the new family that lives in the house. Oh, snap, somebody is gonna DIE! Oh, and what’s that? There are guests visiting the home? They’ll all learn a few lessons in home buying.

As in, DON’T BUY THE HOME OWNED BY CRAZY PEOPLE! Remember those films where a person was murdered there years before? There is a lesson to be learned, and that is that all homes where a murder has been committed must be burned down. Including the home where I just murdered a ham sandwich.

First, I cut it in HALF. It’s guts started pouring out, which I then greedily licked up. Then I took a bite out of it’s flesh. Fast forward a few hours, and the wasted material from the sandwich was being expelled from my body, all the while I sang Oh Canada.

The Scoop

Darren Lynn Bousman is directing. You may remember him from my preview of 11-11-11. He directed a couple Saw movies and Repo! The Genetic Opera. So I think we can all agree to have really high expectations for Mother’s Day.

Trailer

Who’s It For?

No rating, but honestly, how could it be anything other than R?

Pictures

Movie Release Date

April 1, 2011.

Damn, I just got the joke. This isn’t a movie, it’s just an April Fool’s Day prank! Huh? It isn’t? It’s an actual film? Hmmm… You got me AGAIN!

Who’s In It?

Deborah Ann Woll … Lydia Koffin
Shawn Ashmore … George Barnum
Lisa Marcos … Julie Ross
Patrick Flueger¹ … Izaak ‘Ike’ Koffin
Frank Grillo … Daniel Sohapi
Jaime King … Beth Sohapi

Related Movies

Saw, Repo! The Genetic Opera, 2Fast 2Furious (cause of the stupid)

What’s Good About It?

It does have Deborah Ann Woll, who is one of the main reasons I watch True Blood (the other reason being Anna Paquin’s nakedness).

What’s Bad About It?

Mother’s Day just seems like such a stupid, bad horror movie idea. Two thumbs WAY down.

Our Clever Prediction

Though horror films generally make a lot of money, I don’t see Mother’s Day doing very well. I won’t count it out completely, but it’ll have to be pretty crazy to make any real money.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.