Max Steele (2011)


Ah, nanotechnology. It’s like magic. No one knows much about it, but it can do anything if you need something insane for a stupid movie. Enter: Max Steele.

The story of a douche bag, excuse me, extreme sports athlete who gains super powers after having nanites somehow infused with his body. (Turn brain off) Sounds cool! I bet he’ll do all the awesome stuff Vin Diesel did in XXX, only way more EXTREME, because he has super powers. (Brain restarts) Sorry, did I say something? Anyways, this movie looks like it would appeal to morons. You’ll be in line. Texting. With your stupid hair and wearing only one glove.

Max Steele Script

There isn’t a script, they’re just gonna take a bunch of snowboarding clips, cgi in a dragon, and call it a day. They are paying Chad Damiani and J.P. Lavin to pretend to write the screenplay, but that’s just a formality. Something this extreme can’t be bound within the pages of a script. Unless there were pictures.

Who’s It For?

Have you accidentally walked into any doors lately? Drank expired milk? Are you prone to watching ‘The Hills?’ You should order your tickets today. Expect rad PG-13 fun.

Movie Release Date

Movies like Max Steele don’t release, they EXPLODE!!! And that will probably happen late 2011 or 2012.

Who’s In It?

Taylor Lautner was on the project for a while, which is the only reason anybody cares, but then he left to do a Stretch Armstrong movie. I can’t believe the Stretch Armstrong movie was the better choice.

Related Movies

XXX, The Fast and the Furious, Snowboard Academy (I just made that one up, but I guarantee it’s a film)

What’s Good About It?

Nothing’s good about this film. Everything’s EXTREME!!! To the MAX!!!

What’s Bad About It?

No director, no gay werewolf, writers who were last seen in Crank: High Voltage (they didn’t write it, they were bit actors/stuntmen in it). Nothing bad here.

Our Clever Prediction

This isn’t a clever prediction, it’s an EXTREME prediction. Max Steele will suck. Suck hard. All the Twi-hards out there will leave the film saying, “They should twi-harder next time to get Taylor Lautner in the film.”
And why not, I bet it goes 3D. To the MAX!!!! (imagine the word MAX flying out of the poster)

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.


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