Lots of Movie News to satisfy you for the weekend!

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Stuff for Battle: Los Angeles, Green Hornet, Smurfs, and Limitless.

Battle: Los Angeles

There’s poster out for Battle: Los Angeles, and I have to say it doesn’t look half bad, although I worry about the overuse of the donut smoke explosion thing. I felt it was almost overused in the trailer, and while it is admittedly a cool visual, if it’s abused, I might not be so happy about it. Not happy. It’s like Canada always overusing their status as part of North America. NO ONE CARES, CANADA! IT ONLY MATTERS IF YOU’RE ACTUALLY THE UNITED STATES. Land of the free. And cheap donuts. Land of the free and cheap donuts.

Green Hornet

There’s poster for the Green Hornet. That’s wonderful. I’m going to do a quick deconstruction for you. The film will suck. Poster doesn’t matter.

Paul

A full international trailer for Paul is here! And it looks funny! Hip Hip hooray! Yeah! I don’t know. What do you want me to say? It’s good like fried chicken and gravy? Who puts gravy on fried chicken? You know what I want to fry? Skittles. And eat em with milk. Delicious.

Smurfs

What blue and little? My balls. Thank your mom for that. Such a tease. You know what else is little and small? Smurfs? Now the tough question. Which one one is wearing a little hat? Answer below the poster for The Smurfs.

Both.

Limitless

Limitless, the movie about how drugs are good and make you cool, but then Robert DeNiro kicks your ass, has a trailer and a poster. It looks cool. It turns out that taking drugs makes you look like less of a stoner. And convinces you to cut your hair and do situps. I can’t believe school lied to me all those years ago. Where can I find some drugs? Quick, someone find me a Rastafarian. Is that racist? Don’t blame me. Blame Half Baked. It’s where my judgement of Rastafarians came from.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Two things we can agree on… The Green Hornet is going to be really bad, and Americans are fat and uneducated.

    Viva la France!

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