London Boulevard tells the tale of a young movie blog writer who ruthlessly slaughters his boss over a dispute as to who gets the last Snickers bar. The world rallies around the killer because everyone knows that no Canadian has ever done anything worthy of the last Snickers.
Other possible descriptions of the film include Colin Farrell playing an ex-con trying to go straight who is being drawn back into the mob. He takes a job defending a famous actress played by Keira Knightley who wants a meaner bodyguard than she has had in the past.
Then, in the fifth act, there’s a dispute over the last SNICKERS BAR, and the CANADIAN doesn’t DESERVE it.
Ray Winstone plays a mob boss trying to get Farrell back into the mob. He ends up eating the Snickers bar. Farrell kills him. The world rallies around him. Cause that mob boss has Canadian ancestry.
London Boulevard is the first film directed by William Monahan, who wrote The Departed, Edge of Darkness, Body of Lies, and Kingdom of Heaven. He prefers Milky Ways, as he is a douche.
One quote from the set, spoken by Keira Knightley, is, “I Farted. You can almost chew the smell. Is that nutmeg?”
No one answered her, because they mistakenly assumed she had EATEN the candy bar, when it fact it entered her body in a totally unrelated way.
Who’s It For?
Not rated, but check out the trailer. It’s going to be R.
Movie Release Date
Who’s In It?
Keira Knightley … Charlotte
Colin Farrell … Mitchell
Jamie Campbell Bower … White Boy
Anna Friel … Briony
David Thewlis … Jordan
Anna Friel plays a character named Briony, which is the name of Keira Knightley’s sister in Atonement.
Sexy Beast (Winstone, mobsters, yep), Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (commas removed to avoid confusion between films.
What’s Good About It?
I like Colin Farrell, but he makes a lot of crap movies. I trust Keira Knightley, and she’s gorgeous and will one day be mine. Ray Winstone is similarly pretty solid. If Monahan can direct as well as he writes, then this should be a fantastic film.
What’s Bad About It?
Directorial debuts don’t always go so well. Also, I feel a distinctly Canadian influence on the film. That’s like a death sentence combined with a turd in the mouth. Double jeopardy. And poop.
Our Clever Prediction
I doubt the film will make much money. But it may be pretty cool. I like the look of the trailer, and the actors all have talent. If it can avoid Canadians (I’m talking actors, crew members, and producers. I wouldn’t even allow a Canadian to see this film. Bunch of backwater buckfutters)