Kaboom (2011)


Kaboom means I just exploded in your pants. Is that dirty?

The story revolves around Smith, an ambisexual college student who discovers a conspiracy in a southern Californian seaside town. That’s the synopsis I found. My question is why is he ambisexual? Why not bisexual? I looked it up. There’s no difference. Meaning the asshat who wrote that (rhyme!) just wanted to say ambisexual rather than bisexual.

So, for clarity, he’s a bisexual college student who yaddi yaddi yadda, conspiracy, stupid, blows dude, eats girl out, film flops, over.


Be forewarned, it’s pretty dirty, and there are boobies, and dude’s butts.

The Scoop

Gregg Araki wrote and directed the film, which was an official selection from Cannes this year, and was a selection for Deauville, whatever the hell that is, this year too. So it must be good. I’m happy about the boobs.

Who’s It For?

Well, boobs indicates a preferred audience of adolescent boys, and the inclusion of man butt means that it’s really for them, bunch of sexually curious retards.

Movie Release Date

January 28, 2011.

Who’s In It?

Haley Bennett … Stella
Thomas Dekker … Smith
James Duval … The Messiah
Andy Fischer-Price … Rex
Brandy Futch … Drug Fairy Nymph
Nicole LaLiberte … Red-Haired Girl
Natalie Alyn Lind … Cult Victim

Interesting Fact

For the longest time, I thought this was a remake of Shaq’s Kazaam. I didn’t understand how they could remake it. Kazaam was perfect! It’d be like remaking Citizen Kane, only without Shaq!

Related Movies

Kazaam, The Rules of Attraction, Clerks, Donnie Darko

What’s Good About It?

I’m going to go with… boobs. The story just looks boring otherwise it just looks like a poor man’s Donnie Darko. Although, on the plus side, no Jake Gyllenhaal.

What’s Bad About It?

Watch the trailer. Now wake up. See? Boring.

Our Clever Prediction

Big flop. They’ll name a whale after it. Flopper. It’ll get eaten by Flipper. Who will die from eating too much. Damn. Now it’s ruined flipper.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.