Hercules: The Thracian Wars (2011)

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How short do you like your loincloths? How oiled up do you want your steroid freaks? How’s about both? Oh yeah, it’s Hercules: The Thracian Wars. Think half-god in 300. Think Spartacus, only mythical. Actually, stop thinking, you’ll ruin the film


Hercules: The Thracian Wars is set to be directed by Scott Derrickson, who just recently took over the directing duties from Peter Berg, who is still set to produce. Writer Ryan Condal has been chosen to adapt the comic written by Steve Moore for Radical Comics. After the surprise success of 300, many comic properties based on ancient legends were bought up in the hope that they would yield the kind of success found in 300.

Hercules: The Thracian Wars Script

The story follows Hercules, and while he is still half god and half man, in The Thracian Wars he fights for the Thracian king. If you’ve watched Spartacus: Blood and Sand (which based the ratings you haven’t, but I have) you’ll know that Thrace was consider a barbaric land when contrasted with the more civilized culture of Rome. Hercules trains the Thracian army, presumably to king Roman ass.

Who’s It For?

With 300 having success at R, expect this to follow suit.

Movie Release Date

2011

Who’s In It?

No casting yet, but since apparently Vin Diesel can play Hannibal the Conqueror, why not cast him as Hercules? If it turns out the Roman gods are real, this is the surest way to bring a plague of locusts upon the earth. Humanity’s had a good run, let’s just ruin civilization.
Oh, and since when did Kevin Sorbo relinquish his role. There is only one Hercules in my book. And that’s Kevin freakin’ Sorbo. And what the hell’s he doing to that guy in the photo?

Related Movies

300, Spartacus: Blood and Sand (I know it’s a show), The Princess Diaries (?!?)

What’s Good About It?

I liked 300, and while Spartacus: Blood and Sand has received mostly negative reviews, I’ve enjoyed that, too. If Hercules: The Thracian Wars goes hard R, amps up the sex, violence, and other fascinations I had at 13 (fireworks) then it could make a boatload of money. Director Scott Derrickson’s last film was The Day the Earth Stood Still, and while that wasn’t a smash hit, it showed he has a feel for special effects and action.

What’s Bad About It?

At some point, Hollywood just looks boring. 300 was really cool and different. Spartacus: Blood and Sand is just a clone of that, and Hercules: The Thracian Wars feels like just another stab at the whole idea. Let’s hope Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters gets made instead, at least that’s an original idea.

Our Clever Prediction

Well, I like my loincloths short, and my steroid freaks oily as the Gulf of Mexico, so sign me up for Hercules: The Thracian Wars. Just turn that brain off and enjoy. And don’t look at me that way. I’m not gay, you’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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Brian brings to the site 4 years of online journalism, and attitude. Brian has probably offended you in his movie previews, and for that he won't apologize. Ladies, Brian is in a committed relationship with a woman who, thankfully, doesn't read Starseeker. It is this reluctance to read his work that keeps their relationship going. God bless America.

4 COMMENTS

  1. IF,INFACT,FORMER MR.OLYMPIA JAY CUTLER HAS BEEN CAST AS THE MUCH CELEBRATED,MIGHTY GREEK HERO AND DEMIGOD, IT’S AN OUT IN OUT SHAME.THE ROLE OF HERCULES CALLS FOR SOMEONE WHO’S NOT ONLY WELL-MUSCLED,BUT ALSO “HEADS AND SHOULDERS” ABOVE THE AVERAGE ANCIENT GREEK IN HEIGHT!HE SHOULD ALSO EXUDE ATHLETIC PROWESS;HERCULES’ MANY EXPLOITS DEMANDED SUPERNATURAL,BRUTE POWER!I ALSO GUESS DECENT ACTING ABILITY IS A NON-STARTER,TOO;THE HERCULES MYTHOLOGY IS REPLETE WITH MUCH TRAGEDY ALONG WITH TRIUMPH.ANDY WHITFIELD DEFINATELY HAS THE ACTING CHOPS AND IS IN GREAT SHAPE TOO,BUT HE’S JUST NOT PHYSICALLY IMPOSING ENOUGH(THINK OF THE FAMOUS FARNESE HERCULES STATUE IN NAPLES,ITALY OR ONE OF THE MORE MUSCULAR WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN CHAMPIONS!)OH WELL, WE CAN ALWAYS HOPE THAT A TRULY INSPIRED AND INSIGHTFUL DIRECTOR/PRODUCTION COMPANY WILL EVENTUALLY GET IT RIGHT AND GIVE A HERCULES FILM PROJECT THE GRAVITAS IT TRULY DESERVES!

  2. I believe the star in this movie will be IFBB Pro and 4 time Mr. Olympia, Jay Cutler (no not the football player, the bodybuilder). I’ve read in Flex Magazines and in interviews with him that he will be releasing Hercules soon- we’ll see what happens but it was said he signed a movie deal. And he would be a perfect body and face for the role, but I have no idea if he can act…

  3. Given that Scott Derrickson likes to constantly remind everyone that he’s a committed Christian, I wouldn’t hold out much hope for going Hard-R and amping up the sex and violence… he might not shrink away from depicting sex and violence, but I doubt he will spice it up just for fun…

  4. If Andy Whitfield from Spartacus, Blood and Sand, can get healthy.. he would be perfect. Not that I think he’s the perfect man, but you know.. dude has a body like a greek god. Not that I look at greek gods or anything, but if I were gay, Andy Whitfield would be my hero.

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