How short do you like your loincloths? How oiled up do you want your steroid freaks? How’s about both? Oh yeah, it’s Hercules: The Thracian Wars. Think half-god in 300. Think Spartacus, only mythical. Actually, stop thinking, you’ll ruin the film
Hercules: The Thracian Wars is set to be directed by Scott Derrickson, who just recently took over the directing duties from Peter Berg, who is still set to produce. Writer Ryan Condal has been chosen to adapt the comic written by Steve Moore for Radical Comics. After the surprise success of 300, many comic properties based on ancient legends were bought up in the hope that they would yield the kind of success found in 300.
Hercules: The Thracian Wars Script
The story follows Hercules, and while he is still half god and half man, in The Thracian Wars he fights for the Thracian king. If you’ve watched Spartacus: Blood and Sand (which based the ratings you haven’t, but I have) you’ll know that Thrace was consider a barbaric land when contrasted with the more civilized culture of Rome. Hercules trains the Thracian army, presumably to king Roman ass.
Who’s It For?
With 300 having success at R, expect this to follow suit.
Movie Release Date
Who’s In It?
No casting yet, but since apparently Vin Diesel can play Hannibal the Conqueror, why not cast him as Hercules? If it turns out the Roman gods are real, this is the surest way to bring a plague of locusts upon the earth. Humanity’s had a good run, let’s just ruin civilization.
Oh, and since when did Kevin Sorbo relinquish his role. There is only one Hercules in my book. And that’s Kevin freakin’ Sorbo. And what the hell’s he doing to that guy in the photo?
300, Spartacus: Blood and Sand (I know it’s a show), The Princess Diaries (?!?)
What’s Good About It?
I liked 300, and while Spartacus: Blood and Sand has received mostly negative reviews, I’ve enjoyed that, too. If Hercules: The Thracian Wars goes hard R, amps up the sex, violence, and other fascinations I had at 13 (fireworks) then it could make a boatload of money. Director Scott Derrickson’s last film was The Day the Earth Stood Still, and while that wasn’t a smash hit, it showed he has a feel for special effects and action.
What’s Bad About It?
At some point, Hollywood just looks boring. 300 was really cool and different. Spartacus: Blood and Sand is just a clone of that, and Hercules: The Thracian Wars feels like just another stab at the whole idea. Let’s hope Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters gets made instead, at least that’s an original idea.
Our Clever Prediction
Well, I like my loincloths short, and my steroid freaks oily as the Gulf of Mexico, so sign me up for Hercules: The Thracian Wars. Just turn that brain off and enjoy. And don’t look at me that way. I’m not gay, you’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.