December 2010 Movie Releases and Holiday Guide


Our December 2010 Movie Preview and release calendar is now up for you to plan your holidays around. It’s more of a holiday guide, really.

December’s right around the corner and that means there are some films heading your way that might have your head spinning.

It might be a film that’s tailored for the indie crowd or something designed to appeal to the blockbuster crowd, but there’s something out there that’s going to be what you’re looking for — unless you’re looking for a Ben Stiller movie that doesn’t make you want to eat a revolver.

December 3rd

All Good Things gives Ryan Reynolds a reason to be half naked and kiss girls, and it is also a murder mystery based on the most notorious unsolved murder case in New York history. Really? Yes!

“Night Catches Us” stars Anthony Mackie and Kerry Washington, centering around a man (Mackie) who returns to the Philadelphia neighborhood where he grew up at the height of the Black Power movement. He carries with him a secret that threatens to tear his world apart — while, at the same time, he reconnects with an old love.

Black Swan” gives us Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis as competing ballerinas who find themselves drawn into a twisted competition that morphs into something like a dark friendship. Portman is the embodiment of the purity of the White Swan, Kunis shows off the sensuality of the Black Swan, and both engage in a dark ballet of the spirit that threatens to consume Portman. Jar-Jar Binks plays Portman’s love interest.

The Warrior’s Way arrives on December 3rd as well, stars Kate Bosworth and Geoffry Rush. In this Action/Western, a warrior-assassin is forced to hide in a small town in the American Badlands after refusing a mission. Our guess? Too much of a plot for most Americans to understand, but the rest of the civilized world will appreciate it. Because lets face it, if it doesn’t involve lots of explosions and head-kicks, America doesn’t appreciate it.

Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor come to the screen in “I Love You Phillip Morris,” (based on a true story) in which Carrey comes out of a car accident with the realization that he is gay and finds himself transformed from a pillar of the community into a con man living an over-the-top lifestyle. When he’s caught and sent to the State Penitentiary, he meets the man who will become the love of his life — McGregor. Carrey decides that the two of them have to be together forever and he begins a series of seemingly impossible cons that rock the entire legal system.

Yeah, we think its going to fail miserably as well…..

December 10th

Just when you thought it was safe to open that wardrobe, it’s those wacky kids heading back to Narnia. In “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” the screen comes to life with merpeople, dwarves, dragons, and a bands of mighty warriors. There’s also something about sailing off the end of the world, but that probably won’t happen if the box office receipts are positive enough.

Mark Wahlberg steps into the ring with “The Fighter.” This docudrama is based on the life of boxer “Irish” Micky Ward. Wahlberg plays a boxer with heart (is there any other kind?) who has a career guided by his half-brother, Dicky — played by Christian Bale. Bale’s career took a nosedive but he’s there for Wahlberg, standing by when the kid gets pounded time after time and winds up winning both the WBU Intercontinental Lightweight title and the WBU Light Welterweight title. Let’s just hope that Wahlberg didn’t ruin any scenes while Bale was acting…

Before you take a vacation, you might want to check out “The Tourist,” starring Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. Depp is a man who heads to Europe after having his heart broken, only to find himself caught up in a deadly game of cat and mouse with Angelina Jolie. Sources say that Angelina and Brad adopted Depp during filming.

Helen Mirren acts up a storm in “The Tempest,” which brings Shakespeare’s masterpiece to life. Okay, it’s Shakespeare, so it’s not going to be all that great, but it’s also got Russell Brand in it, so how bad can it be? Now if they could have just found a way to add Katy Perry to the cast…

The Company Men also arrives quietly on December 10th. The story centers on a year in the life of three men trying to survive a round of corporate downsizing at a major company which is rather unoriginal and depressing around the holidays. Ben Affleck is in it, so is Tommy Lee Jones, and that’s about all you’ll care to know about in this film.

Rabbit Hole will make the holidays even worse for you this year. For some reason they decided to release a movie a family death when life for a happy couple is turned upside down after their young son dies in an accident. Really? In December? Hope this movie flops harder than a fat kid off the high diving board.

December 17th

Does anyone need to know what the plot of “Tron: Legacy” is? It’s got Jeff Bridges from the original Tron, it’s got Olivia Wilde, and it’s even got Bruce Boxleitner in it. The only thing this movie doesn’t have is Pac-man — but he’s up for the sequel once he gets out of rehab.

Okay, so while Bill Murray wowed the world with his cameo in “Zombieland,” December is bringing us Dan Ackroyd as the voice of “Yogi Bear.” Now, if that isn’t enough to make you want to take a pencil and gouge out your eyes, it’s also got Justin Timberlake’s voice in it as that awesome sidekick Boo-Boo. Keep your eyes on this one come Oscar nomination time.

How Do You Know” a movie has great comedic potential? When it comes from the mind of James L. Brooks and it stars Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson and Paul Rudd, plus some guy who looks like Jack Nicholson. It looks like Wilson is finally in a movie that shouldn’t make him want to kill himself.

Casino Jack debuts on Dec 17th, it stars Kevin Spacey and Kelly Preston. A film that should have went straight to DVD gets a brief moment at the theaters.

December 22nd

Owen Wilson might want to hold off on not killing himself when “Little Fockers” comes out. Will someone please tell Ben Stiller to stop making these movies? From the trailer, it looks absolutely horrible, but on the plus side…no. There is no plus side.

Stephen Dorff is “Somewhere” and that happens to be Los Angeles. He plays a rich guy who just kind of drifts along without any purpose, spending his time having sex with beautiful women and trying desperately to feel something — and into his life comes his 11-year-old daughter played by Elle Fanning. It’s directed by Sofia Coppola so that means that it’ll be a feast for the eyes — but will there be any substance to this meal?

Jack Black plays Lemuel Gulliver in “Gulliver’s Travels,” where he gets sucked into the Bermuda Triangle when he’s covering a story and finds himself in Lilliput, where he happens to be a giant. He also meets Jason Segel there and learns what it really means to be a man. Of course, it could be totally awful, but let’s give it the benefit of the doubt — after all, it’s got Jack Black and Jason Segel.

Gwyneth Paltrow is “Country Strong,” and even though country music might make some people want to jab their eardrums with screwdrivers, the trailer actually looks good. With Tim McGraw playing Paltrow’s husband (and looking like he’s able to pull it off), this movie should have a tremendous appeal for country fans everywhere. Plus, there’s lots of country songs playing in it, and I’m not sure but I’ll bet there’s something about NASCAR in there, too.

True Grit hits theaters on December 22nd, and stars Matt Damon, Jeff Bridges and Josh Brolin in this wicked remake. If you have no interest in seeing this movie, you are no friend of mine, or of John Wayne’s, which means you are anti-american and not a patriot and could be jailed.

Christmas Day

Really? You have to go see a movie on Christmas Day? Either you are escaping reality, have no friends or really hate your family. Either way, there’s not much opening on December 25th but…

On Christmas Day, without any really awesome special effects or computer generated material, “The Illusionist” debuts. Advance word is that it’s sweet and charming and heartwarming, but that’s what they always say about animated cartoons that are done by French people. There’s probably some kind of deep message in it, too, but since most of us don’t speak French, we probably shouldn’t worry about it.

The Rebound stars Catherine Zeta-Jones in another shitty romance, because thats all the work she can get right now. Get this though, the movie was made in 2009, released in Europe and got zero support there either. So they are quietly releasing it Christmas day in the USA, so nobody notices. Odd right? The Rebound has only grossed just over 1.5 million dollars, it cost close to 15 million to make… oops. Here is the official site, and its only in Japanese.

December 31

So you must be a real barrel of laughs if you plan on hitting the movies on New Years Eve, instead of having a little party to goto. Hollywood is punishing you by offering the following shitty releases on New Years Eve…

Jim Broadbent and Ruth Sheen are in “Another Year,” which is British director Mike Leigh’s latest foray into letting us peer into the lives of depressed people and deals with Lesley Manville falling for Oliver Mattman, who is more than 20 years younger than she is. To add to the mix, Karina Fernandez is Mattman’s hot young girlfriend — but obviously he’s going to be drawn to Manville. It’s going to be just like watching real life.

Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams show up the present and the past in “Blue Valentine,” in which a couple who have a marriage that is on the verge of crumbling decide to use one night to save their failing marriage. The movie will be filled with lots of flashback moments to make them remember how great their romance was — like those “Best of…” episodes on sit-coms when the networks want to fill dead air. But, this dead air has an NC-17 rating and the trailer shows Ryan Gosling getting to sing in a goofy voice.

So, there you have it — December’s coming and while I’m disappointed that “Centipede 3D” didn’t make it in time, there seem to be a couple of films there that I might like.