The Truth

A Perfect Getaway started out strong, but dragged on too long before getting into the guts of the film.

From early on in the beginning, you are sort of certain the killers are, who you think they are. The movie does a decent attempt, or two, of throwing you off but in the end the surprise isn’t really too big.

Still, Director David Twohy keeps your interest pretty high as you wait for the plot to reveal itself slowly. Perhaps its the setting in the Hawaiian Islands that kept my interest, or was it watching Milla Jovovich run around in a tight top and shorts?

Regardless, A Perfect Getaway throws a few loops at you. Nick and Gina are suspects all along, so are the mysterious hitch-hikers who appear to stalk the couple in the mountains.

The film keeps us guessing at who the real killers are till the end, although I wasn’t all that fooled to be honest, even though the story had a ton of holes in it.

The Action

A Perfect Getaway doesn’t have much action, the little it does have is saved till the very end for a brief period.

What’s good about it?

The skinny dipping scene with Milla Jovovich and Kiele Sanchez was pretty hot. The backdrop to the film was wonderful, as the Hawaiian Islands provide gorgeous visuals on your TV. Kiele Sanchez is about to make it big, she’s pleasant to look at and a great actress.

What’s bad about it?

A Perfect Getaway waited too long to get to the point, and I found myself uninterested from time to time. Steve Zahn just doesn’t play the role of a bad guy very well, he’s too well known for his comedic character roles.

Perfect For

A Perfect Getaway is a perfect film for a rainy/snowy evening when your eyes need colorful visuals of the Hawaiian Islands.

What I learned

Cellphone service sucks in Hawaii.

The Verdict

A Perfect Getaway struggles on a lot of levels, but its decent enough to recommend for those in the mood for an average thriller with a twist or two.

2012 Movie Review

They say stupidity comes with a price, and in this case it is the 158 minutes of unintentional comedy the film 2012 delivers. Get ready to have your senses bombarded with tons of special effects, hoping you miss the enormous flaws with the film.

Lets start with the main characters, and how we should care about him and his family, rather than the other 6 billion people on earth. 30 minutes into the film, I’m rooting for any apocalyptic event to take the lives of John Cusack and Amanda Peet. Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen, so we are forced to watch the stupidity of he and his family narrowly escaping earthquakes and tidal waves.

2012 keeps coming at you, asking you to seriously consider what is happening on screen, without any other reason than keeping in mind Roland Emmerich thinks you are an idiot who will fall for this shit.

Cinematic cliché after cinematic cliché fly at you, including Woody Harrelson as ‘that crazy guy’ Charlie Frost. You know the type, the same character Emmerich used in Independence Day, only it was Randy Quaid in that one.

Hell, you know all these characters because you’ve seen them in all his films. The hero, the lady, the love, the kids.. its all the same in every one of his films.

Anyways, instead of Area 51, Roland Emmerich bases the ’safe zone’ as Yellowstone Park, where the main characters happen to be heading at the time of the natural disasters.

You can figure out the rest, because that is all the film is about. 158 minutes of explosions, near misses and no accountability of anything else.

The Action in 2012

The 2012 Movie has lots of action, but action of the ridiculous sort.

The Laughs

To me, the film 2012 was a comedy, not a drama nor a thriller. I laughed from start to finish, even though that wasn’t the intent of the film.

2012 : The Effects

2012 had fantastic effects. Great explosions and scenes of cities collapsing.

What’s good about 2012?

The special effects of 2012 were the only redeeming qualities of the film.

What’s bad about 2012?

158 minutes of near misses, cheezy acting and idiotic situations. Throw in a Cusack into this recipe, and voila.. a shit movie.

You’ll Like 2012 If

Hey if you love a movie with no real thought, shit writing and smothered in special effects, 2012 is for you.

What I learned

I’ll never watch another Roland Emmerich film again.

The Verdict

A great big budget on effects, and a shit plot with zero attention to detail. Without a doubt, 2012 was one of the worst films of 2009. I feel dumber for being bombarded with 158 minutes of cinematic vomit.

The Twilight Movie

I can’t tell you enough how pleasantly surprised I was, with the Twilight movie. Call me a little bitch if you have to, I don’t mind, but the characters of Bella and Edward totally sucked me in. I’m hooked. I absolutely enjoyed the dramatic love details the characters delivered, not to mention how greatly they nailed the entire uncomfortable High School scene.

Kristen Stewart, and Robert Pattinson had incredible chemistry for such young actors in big roles. Twilight throws another side of Vampires at us, and lets us feel a bit of what Bella also feels in the film. Go ahead, tell me I’m a little bitch one more time, I still deserve it.

I know the film was aimed more at the late teens, but it really was great for us older folks as well, especially us bitches. Following the story of Bella and Edward was a terrific journey, especially when Edward feels the needs to protect his true love.

The Action

Solid, but it gets better in New Moon. Twilight had enough action to keep me happy, because I know the next film will deliver much more.

The Effects

Pretty decent, loved the scenes of Edward and Bella zipping up trees and up the mountains. The final battle was pretty good as well, nice effects indeed.

What’s good about Twilight?

The love angle, mixed in with a solid explanation of the vampire background. The story is told so that even those of us new to the series can figure it out pretty quickly, even us bitches.

What’s bad about it?

Nothing, I can’t pick on the film at all.

You’ll Like It If

If you loved the novel, and love vampire movies, Twilight is for you.

The Verdict

Twilight was one of the better movies of 2008, I’m sorry I waited so damn long to watch it. I can’t wait for New Moon.

The Box

Cameron Diaz stars as Norma Lewis, who is presented with a box that includes an enormous red button on it, that would make most game show hosts jealous. I mean, not just a red button, but a button so big and absurd, that it almost made you forget about the terrible story that was about to unfold.

Who could resist pressing such a big red button, even though the circumstances that followed would mean certain death to a stranger. Not just death, but for some reason the victims usually encounter laughable nosebleeds and odd flashing “v” signs.

But, being as the button is so darn cute, it does get pressed, because well… money is money and Arthur and Norma need it badly. Taking place in 1976, a million dollars could provide a lot of disco, bell bottom pants and PCP.

The following 1.15 minutes are chalk full of an empty void, surrounded by nothing exciting, interesting or remotely amusing.

The Action

Action? What action?

The Laughs

Watching Cameron Diaz trying to resurrect her career is comedy gold.

What’s good about it?

There was a deal at the concession, where if I bought a large Coke, I also got a bag of M&M’s ! Score!

What’s bad about it?

There is nothing good about this movie from minute 15 till the end.

You’ll Like It If

You won’t like it.

What I learned

6 page stories should not be turned into a movie.

The Verdict

I wish I could press that huge red button and make the movie disappear. The Box was, incredible bad, incredibly boring, you’ll never get those minutes of your life back.

A Christmas Carol 2009

A Christmas Carol seems to be getting a lot of negative responses from the general public, but its not all warranted. The truth is, the movie is a wonderful animation that tells the classic Christmas story perfectly.

The problem is, people don’t respond to change that well, and for many of them, they feel that Carrey has ruined one of our most cherished characters. It never bothered me really, I mean… change is good. I found Scrooge’s characters a little more animated than I cared for, a little too much ‘in your face’ if I can put it bluntly.

Putting that aside, its the same story we all seem to have fallen in love with over our lifetimes. You loose sight of the fact its Jim Carrey doing the voices after a while, and once you settle into the film, its quite well done.

The Animation

A Christmas Carol is was a 3D animation, one of the best I have ever seen. Its worth watching just for the presentation.

What’s good about it?

Its a heart-warming story that stands the test of time. A Christmas Carol is always a film that gets you in the spirit, even earlier than usual this year with the November 2009 release.

What’s bad about it?

Too scary for the kids. I feel Robert Zemeckis missed the boat on this one with the film clearly being targeted for the older audience. Do not bring your kids to see this if they are under the age of 7, it is not appropriate for them.

Why did they make this 2009 version of A Christmas Carol for older kids? I’m not sure, but I wish it was more suited for younger kids so I could take my younger children to see it. Guess I’ll stick to the other classics this year, yet again.

You’ll Like It If

If you need a good movie to get you in the Christmas spirit, A Christmas Carol will do the trick.

What I learned

If you have a good story, no matter how many times you tell it, we will always watch and listen.

The Verdict

A Christmas Carol 2009 was a wonderful 3D animation that will get you in the Christmas spirit.

The Fourth Kind

I don’t like being treated like an idiot right off the bat, normally it takes a good 20 minutes to insult my intelligence. In the case of The Fourth Kind, I am instantly hit with the idiot stick by Milla Jovovich.

Jovovich immediately lets us know that she’ll be portraying Tyler and that the archival footage of her work and interviews is real. In case you can’t figure out which scenes are a reenactment, and which is out of the archives, the writers have instructed Jovovich to help us out by hitting you on the head with a tack hammer.

Apparently the 350 lb popcorn devouring Behemoth next to me was thankful for this piece of advice, as she bellowed out a ‘Oh No She Din’t’ at the screen. You see, when you take up 2 seats at the theater, and only have to pay for one, you have a right to argue with a fictional digital projection, and enlighten the rest of us along the way.

Back to the film. The Fourth Kind was rather entertaining, despite the fact I was surrounded by what was quite possible the studio audience from Jerry Springer.

The Fourth Kind sort of waddles along with Jovovich doing a decent job, and Will Patton over-acting almost every scene in the film. He plays the often overdone part of the Cop who when confronted with irrefutable or evidence, refuses to acknowledge the possibility of something “else,”. You know the character, he’s in every single paranormal movie.

The Fourth Kind is often entertaining, somewhat interesting and if anything was released at the wrong time. With Paranormal Activity still going strong at the box office, people aren’t dishing out dollars for two movies dealing with the paranormal, and clearly one film is better at it than the other.

That doesn’t make The Fourth Kind a bad movie though, just a victim of bad timing. I’m going to see it again, which is something I rarely do. This time around, I’m going to the latest showing possible, to avoid the crowds, so I can watch it in peace.

The Action

The Action is pretty good, pretty creepy and often bizarre.

The Frights

The Fourth Kind is frightening, because the thought of aliens frightens me.

The Effects

Pretty cool effects, the archival footage is great.

What’s good about it?

Milla Jovovich and the alien footage.

What’s bad about it?

Will Patton. If there was an award for over-actor of the year, Patton would get 7 nominations.

You’ll Like It If

Looking for a creepy, frightening movie? The Fourth Kind is for you.

What I learned

One garbage can of popcorn is just an appetizer for some people.

The Verdict

The Fourth Kind was a fun film, with more scares than I expected. I recommend it to anyone looking for a fun night at the movies.

The Truth

‘V’ is a continuation of the 1983 TV series, that was midly successful. I watched the pilot episode on ABC last night with a pretty open mind, I thought the previous series was ok, nothing special.

However, it didn’t take long for me to lose interest in the pilot episode. Was it the apparent over-acting and weak cast? Was it the hype for a series that should never have been remade in the first place? I’m not sure, but V did very little to hold my interest this time around.

I found the character Elizabeth Mitchell plays to be a little too over the top in her role as over-protective FBI mom Erica Evans. I also found the characters generally uninteresting and blah.

Morris Chestnut plays the role of ‘angry black guy who can kick some ass when he has to’ , although we already know he’s a reptilian from day one.

Will the hype be enough to push the series into a successful time slot? I don’t know for sure, but I know one thing.. the pilot episode didn’t leave me craving fore more.

The Action

Corny fighting scenes and little else.

The Effects

I’ll give props when they are due. V had excellent special effects for a TV show, well done. The mother ship looked great.

What’s good about it?

A sexy alien race invading our planet gives us hope for the future.

What’s bad about it?

They want our resources and to exterminate us in the process. The Obama metaphor was also horrible.

“Embrace hope and change, humans! We are just like you! We will bring universal health care, also.”

No pacing. Shoved like 4 episodes into one and just told us everything instead of showing. It was more like crime drama.

You’ll Like ‘V’ It If

Fans of the original series ‘V’ may like it.

What I learned form ‘V’

We are all suckers for a pretty face. Scott Wolf isn’t dead.

The Verdict

I’ll give the series one more chance to gain my interest, until then it wasn’t a memorable pilot episode for ABC, or Tuesday nights.

The Truth

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (Full coverage) welcomed us into a world of an unusual, but loving, teen inventor who has a had a string of failed inventions over the years.

Somewhat isolated from the community, he struggles to prove himself to his father and himself, with no such luck over the years. Often referred to as a ‘nerd’ for his previous failed ventures and odd behavior, our young hero Flint Lockwood finally hits the big time with the discovery of the ages. He can make food, from the water molecules in the sky.

When the machine takes a mind of its own, its up to Flint and his new love Sam Sparks to save the world from his own invention.

The Animation

Not of Pixar quality, but still solid regardless.

The Laughs

Quite a few gags and laughs along the way, enough to keep us adults chuckling with the young kids.

What’s good about it?

The characters were quite funny and interesting, while we all felt the cop Earl Devereaux (Mr. T) and ‘Baby’ Brent (Andy Samberg) stole the show.

What’s bad about it?

The storyline is dark and too engaging, at times, for the younger kids. I also wonder why the have to include some sort of death in the plot in almost all the kid movies these days. For instance, we learn Flint’s mother has died some time ago, and it is an integral part of the film. Also, they used the word ‘hell’ a few times, which was unusual for a family animation.

You’ll Like It If

If you are looking for a fun animation the whole family will enjoy, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is a safe bet. I think its more suited for kids 7 and up.

What I learned

Never give up on your dreams, dare to be different.

The Verdict

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs was a fairly entertaining animation, that was fun for the entire family. I recommend it for children 6 and up, and the parents will enjoy it also.

The Truth

Let me get right to it. Michael Mann ruined the film by turning it into a love story, within the first 20 minutes, and the prick ran with it the rest of the way.

I never expected a love story, I never wanted to see one. I wanted to see a movie about John Dillinger, I could care less about his soft side, or his attachment to local whore Billie Frechette. I want to see action, vulgarity maybe really get to know the man, instead I walked away with nothing of the sort.

Depp was decent enough, so was Bale, but neither had much chemistry in this film that captured my attention. The same goes for Depp and Marion Cotillard (Billie Frechette) who really never seemed to capture the love they shared for each other.

The film moves along slowly, and rarely builds any drama. How Michael Mann made ‘Heat’ and ‘Public Enemies’ is beyond me, because he failed to deliver any of his signature movie qualities that I actually used to enjoy.

Instead we are slowly dragged along, interrupted with scene after scene of Dillinger and Frechette attempting to show us their love for each other. Note to Michael Mann, we get it. We got it after the 5th time they said it to each other. We got it after the 10th time Dillinger explained how she was his girl. WE GET IT!

Stop treating us like idiots, give us the darker side of the notorious John Dillinger, not his soft side.

The Action

Not much, Michael Mann managed to take a historical figure known for his actions, and squish all sense of attachment out of it.

What’s good about it?

We get to see Billie Frechette’s titties in the bathtub. Hey, its Leelee Sobieski in the final scene as an extra on the sidewalk!

What’s bad about it?

Typical Hollywood bullshit, where they take an excellent group of talent and turn it into a love story, rather than a Drama.

You’ll Like It If

If you needed to learn about the soft, sensitive side of John Dillinger.

What I learned

All the best actors in the world can’t save a shitty script.

The Verdict

Public Enemies was disappointing from start to finish, with little drama, excitement or memorable moments. You’ll rent it and fall asleep.

The Truth

Any time marketers promote a movie by showing audience reaction, it’s guaranteed shit. The Paranormal Activity hype machine is in full swing, and the trailer may entice you to check out this film. Be warned though, the film is a modern telling of The Blair Witch Project, and not much more than that.

What you see in the trailer, is what you get. If, for some reason this type of ‘home movie’ genre frightens you, then Paranormal Activity may be for you.

For myself, it was sort of the shits. The film tries to get you frightened with different shots and creepy, intense moments, but didn’t really do neither.

Paramount is doing a wonderful job of hyping the film with intense viral marketing. It had a small opening, and they are trying to get the word out with the masses doing all the work for them. They recently had 1 Million people vote to get the movie released nationwide, so it is now coming to a theater near you. (As if it wasn’t going to regardless)

The Frights

Consider I do not scare easily and most ’scary films’ have little more substance than that old internet gag where you stare at a picture until some dead bitch comes screaming into the frame.Blah. I mean, if you find some otherwise laughable moments where bed sheets are tossed around and lights swinging frightening, than this is for you.

Paranormal Activity was scary at times, but no more than any movie filmed in the dark with the element of surprise being the #1 gag.

What’s good about it?

The hype was spectacular.

What’s bad about it?

Too much hype, not enough scare.

You’ll Like It If

If you found The Blair Witch project scary, I suppose this is right up your alley.

Reminds me of

The Blair Witch Project

The Verdict

Way too much hype, but Paranormal Activity had its moments. I’d recommend it for a ‘fright night’ rental.