So, when the food is giving you indigestion and the twinkling lights have induced a migraine. When the sugar-high kids are sledging down the stairs. When the sight of Richard Attenborough in a Santa costume stops making you feel warm inside and starts making you feel violent, it’s time to indulge your Scroogey side with one of my top three alternative Christmas movies.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

A classic animation produced by Tim Burton, The Nightmare Before Christmas is a mash-up of a light-hearted Halloween movie and a warped Christmas one. When Jack Skellington of Halloween Town becomes enthralled with his new discovery, Christmas Town, it becomes clear he doesn’t quite understand the meaning of the season of goodwill. As the local people of Halloween Town begin to imitate Christmas traditions it all gets a bit disturbing. Wonderfully imaginative and full of excellent tunes I’m not ashamed to say I think The Nightmare Before Christmas is kind of scary too. Well, for kids anyway…

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

This new release from Finland dares to go where no Christmas movie has gone before. Forgetting the pleasantries, Rare Exports doesn’t bother planting the idea that Santa could be a sinister character. Instead Santa is revealed to be a living breathing incarnation of Satan. A giant horned monster dug out from an ice-filled mountain he must be stopped from carrying out the cold-blooded murder of local children. Fantastically macabre with great twisted humour this little gem will make you pleased Satan isn’t real, erm I mean Santa. Same letters. Co-incidence?

Bad Santa

My favourite Christmas movie, Bad Santa reminds us that crime, alcohol and depravity still reign during the festive period. Bad Santa and his Bad Elf rob the Department Stores that hire them every year at Christmas. On the run Willie (Santa) moves in with a strange child with a penchant for Sandwich-making and his demented grandma. Just make sure you don’t watch this movie with your grandma. As Willie says, “I’m an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santy Claus.” If that doesn’t get you in the festive spirit nothing will.

The Truth

Incredibly smart, The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo does what all good jigsaw thrillers should, keeping you glued to the screen as the pieces of the puzzle begin to fit together. Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nygvist) and Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), good god that was a mouthful, {insert girlfriend joke here} are brought together by the head of the Vagner family to investigate the disappearance of his beloved niece 40 years ago.

The Laughs

You can laugh if you like. But it’s not funny.

What’s Good About The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo?

Where this movie sets itself apart from all the other serial-killer chasing, DIY detective thrillers is its fascinating characters. On probation for a crime committed when she was just a child, Lisbeth is a super hacker, all gothed-up with a bad attitude and a murky past. Seeming dangerously like a cardboard cut-out stereotype of a messed-up young woman Lisbeth instead reveals herself to be a complex mix of victim and violator. A five foot angel of death and vengeance in a t-shirt and high tops, she suffers unbearable horror but gets her revenge. Oh yes. And makes it permanent… Mickael has equally complex motivations and the development of their relationship is both captivating and touching.

What’s Bad About The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo?

Okay so I’m a girl and hence made of sugar and spice not sadism and rage as almost all of the male characters in this movie seem to be. Sweden seems like a very scary place to be a woman, or a person, or an animal in fact. Perhaps I was a censor in a previous life but a lot of the violence seems just a tad too much.

The Features

Special DVD features include; English-Language Dub Track, Interview With Noomi Rapace, The Vanger Family Tree and the Theatrical Trailer. The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo is also available on blu-ray.

What I Learned

All men are bad. Bad, bad, bad men.

The Verdict

The Swedes give good thriller. The plot is simple enough that you don’t get lost in it but complex enough that you feel the satisfaction of having worked for your revelations. A rare happy ending lifts this otherwise traumatic movie and provides closure while creating an opening for the next instalment – which I can’t wait to see.

The Truth

When Christopher Nolan’s Inception was released last July the hype-o-meter was reaching heights normally reserved for movies about vacuous shoe-obsessed women or bitey teenagers. Rarely will the movie experience live up to what the people making money out of it promise and yet, Inception really was as remarkable as they said it was.

Corporate ‘extractor’ Cobb (Leonardo Dicaprio) brings together a team of dream-weavers to infiltrate the subconscious of billionaire Fischer (Cillian Murphy) and plant an idea, which will guarantee the business success of Saito (Ken Wantabe) and promises to clear his criminal record allowing him to return to America to be with his children. The team must move down through the layers of Fischers subconscious into simultaneous dream states. Like Russian dolls each dream state fits inside the next and ingeniously Nolan slows with the time-frame of each dream-state so we can identify how deep we’ve gone.

The Laughs

Nolan doesn’t do funny.

What’s Good About Inception?

Inception avoids the traps so many big-budget action blockbusters fall into – we’ve got all this money let’s make lots of non-flammable things explode, let’s make a helicopter fight an airplane, oh, and let’s hire stuntmen to fall from skyscrapers and walk away unscathed. Instead the awe-inspiring special effects – whole landscapes crumbling into the sea, Parisian streets lifting up to roll back on themselves and zero-gravity fist-fights on ceilings have purpose within the labyrinth-like story.

Just Dicaprio. Because he’s pretty.

What’s Bad About Inception?

I’ve got to be honest, not much. The cast is amazing. Marion Cotillard as Cobbs late wife Mal is mesmerising and Dicaprio can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned. I’m clutching at straws here but it’s possible there are one or two more characters than needed in Cobb’s team. Heaven forbid Tom Hardy be cut but maybe the clan could be slightly condensed to make each of their back-stories a little heavier.

The Features

Special DVD features include: The Inception of Inception with Christopher Nolan, Creating and Destroying the Japanese Castle, Constructing Paradoxical Architecture and Constructing the Freight Train Sequence. As those with blu-ray get even more special features so you can feel self-satisfied and superior. Extra features include Dreams: Cinema of the Subconscious documentary, The Cobol Job Prologue, soundtrack selections and art gallery.

What I Learned

Freud knew what he was talking about all along.

The Verdict

I want this movie on DVD. I want it. I want it. I want it. My only concern is that it won’t look quite so spectacular when watched on my 16 inch portable tv with one broken speaker.

The Truth

Everyone watched in horror in late 2008 as Joaquin Pheonix began his spectacular descent from Hollywood god to gibbering coke-addled mess. Sporting a beard and gut combo and professing incoherent dreams of becoming the next Hip Hop superstar, it really seemed as if he had lost it. But on announcing his exploits were to be filmed for a debut documentary directed by brother-in-law Casey Affleck it seemed it was all one elaborate hoax.

Putting the media speculation aside, when watching I’m Still Here it’s difficult to say whether only Joaquin isn’t acting, everyone’s acting, no-one’s acting or only Joaquin is acting. The fact that Casey Affleck has confirmed I’m Still Here is a mockumentary becomes irrelevant. In acting like an offensive inebriate who lives under a bridge he becomes that person, the lines between reality and fiction are blurred.

The Laughs

Almost Jackass in parts, Joaquin himself is obviously the clown of the piece. There’s a sick pleasure in the way he makes everyone he comes into contact with feel uncomfortable. Depending on your taste you’ll either find the whole thing hilarious or horribly cringe worthy.

What’s Good About I’m Still Here?

There’s something pretty darn fantastic about seeing an Oscar-nominated hollywood actor snorting coke and rubbing his face in a low class hookers breasts.

What’s Bad About I’m Still Here?

It’s a shame I’m Still Here’s DVD release comes after Casey Affleck’s announcement that the film was scripted hoax. It’s always better to keep people guessing. Blair Witch Project would never have made as much money as it did if they hadn’t allowed all the hicks to believe it was real.

The I’m Still Here DVD Features

Special features include: commentary with Casey Affleck, commentary with Casey Affleck, Joaquin Phoenix, and cast and crew and deleted scenes with commentary (over 90 minutes.)

The Verdict

Critically slammed and financially destructive I’m Still Here sticks two fingers up at the whole industry. An incredibly brave work of fiction, Pheonix and Affleck have bitch slapped anyone involved in celebrity obsessed media and fooled millions, including Roger Ebert. Totally worth it.

The Truth

On the release of Toy Story 3, I like many found myself questioning whether we really needed any more Toy Story in our lives. Well as it turned out we did. Toy Story 3 is currently fifth on the worldwide box office top grossing list of all time.
Like its predecessors the plot and storyline of Toy Story 3 is seamless, no less than you would expect from the flawless animation machine that is Disney Pixar. Now that Andy is all grown up Buzz, Woody and the rest of the gang face an uncertain future. After being accidentally donated to a daycare centre they end up victims of a reign of terror enforced by a strawberry-scented teddy bear.

The Laughs

Of all of the new characters Ken is undoubtedly the funniest. Even though he invites Barbie to live in his Dream House you can tell it’s just a cover for his closet homosexuality. One of the funniest moments involves Mr. Potato Head and a tortilla. Use your imagination.

What’s Good About It?

As well as being the funniest of the trilogy, Toy Story 3 provides a satisfying finale to the Toy Story saga with all of its characters finding inner peace. Andy accepts the fact that if he takes toys to college he will never lose his virginity and the toys accept they can’t cock-block him forever. Or something like that.

What’s bad about it?

It all gets a bit too serious. Maybe I’m old-fashioned but I think emotional deathbed scenes should be left to our acting greats not a plastic potato. I’m not sure I can handle a dose of existential dilemma from a toy cowboy who doesn’t have knees or elbows.

The Toy Story 3 DVD Features

Features include: Animated short Day and Night, Cars 2 teaser trailer, Buzz Lightyear Mission Logs,The Gang’s All Here, Toys! Epilogue, Paths To Pixar: Editorial, Studio Stories, A Toy’s Eye View and Mexican Music Video for You’ve Got a Friend in Me. If you can afford Blu-Ray you get even more bang for your buck.

What I learned

If I learned something from a Disney film I wasn’t already made aware of during my school days then our education system has failed horribly.

The Verdict

Although fantastic on the big screen the 3D aspect of Toy Story adds little to the movie, if you missed it first time round watching the DVD is just as good. Plus you don’t have to deal with obese, armrest dominating space invaders in the comfort of your own home. As funny and heart-warming as everyone says it is Toy Story 3 will leave you feeling sentimental whether you like it or not.

The Goonies 25th Anniversary

As of 2nd November 2010, it is 25 years since The Goonies original release and considering the distinct lack of sex, drugs or extreme violence it’s pretty remarkable that it’s still one of the best loved films of all time. Directed by Richard Donner and written by Chris Columbus, The Goonies features the cream of the 80’s child star crop including Sean Astin, Josh Brolin and Corey Feldman. When their town is threatened with corporate take-over/bulldozer, this group of unlikely heroes find themselves plunged into the ultimate treasure hunt. Chased by the mildly threatening Fratelli family, The Goonies must find the treasure of One-Eyed Willie without falling foul of booby-traps, (that’s what I said, booty traps,) including playing a piano made from finger-bones to avoid a plummet to certain death. Tip of the hat to Chris Columbus for imagination.

The Laughs

Some of the funniest moments in The Goonies are provided by Chunk, played by Jeff Cohen. Not only did he give the world the Truffle Shuffle, his scenes with Sloth the forgotten man-beast son of the Fratelli family are hilarious. After initial screaming horror Chunk and Sloth become unlikely best friends and ultimately save the day. Childhood obesity and physical deformation, what’s not to laugh at?

What’s Good About It?

You can watch The Goonies again and again and delight in introducing new generations of your family to what good old-fashioned action fantasy used to be (before 3D came along and spoiled it all.) You also get limited edition Goonie collectibles including: Goonies board game, original movie storyboard reproductions, 1985 souvenir magazine reprint, and a 2009 Empire Magazine article on where they are now.

What’s Bad About It?

As far as I can tell the DVD is more or less the same as the special edition release from 2007 featuring: cast commentary, a few deleted scenes, the Cyndi Lauper music video (which I hope I’m never subjected to and a short making-of.

What I learned

Never say die.

The Verdict

If you’ve already got The Goonies in your collection don’t bother buying this version. Buy it as a Christmas present for your favourite Goonie loving friend instead. If it’s worth something in fifty years time you can produce the receipt and demand it back.

Winter’s Bone

Based on a novel by Daniel Woodrell, Winter’s Bone is only the second feature film to be directed by Debra Granik. Set in the Ozark Mountains, Ree must delve deep into the local social cesspool in a quest to find her drug addled father who has again skipped bail.

Clearly a graduate from the Chuck Norris school of hard knocks, Ree’s extended family resemble the disfigured monsters of Wrong Turn or Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If I was her I’d lock the door to my hillbilly cabin and spend the rest of my life attempting to somehow change my genetic code. But Ree is not your standard poor, white trash; she can totally pull off the rural poverty look. There’s no way I would mess with her, a sentiment shared by the local cops who are reminded throughout it is the local clans who call the shots in this neighbourhood.

The Laughs

Plenty. As long as you find violence, poverty and desperation funny.

The Features

Special Features include: Director and Cinematographer audio commentary, a “Making of Winter’s Bone” featurette, the theatrical trailer, a music video, 4 deleted scenes and an alternate opening scene.

What’s Good About Winter’s Bone?

Winter’s Bone runs the risk of becoming just a bit too harrowing for the viewer to get any pleasure from watching it. Luckily Lawrence’s tense yet sensitive performance lifts the film from being too grim as she attempts to protect her younger siblings and teach them how to survive the shitty hand life has dealt them. Their fight for survival cleverly reveals the dark side of an isolated rural community – the only family cookout happening around here involves crystal meth.

What’s Bad About Winter’s Bone?

Jennifer Lawrence’s pretty face gets all smashed up.

What I learned

How to take crystal meth. Oh, and never to go to Missouri.

The Verdict

Although intense and short on laughs, rent this DVD and find comfort in the fact none of your cousins are also your uncle.

As the funniest guy any of you know, I like to think of myself as a comedic professor. I got my degree at a clown college. (hilarious)

My status as super smart comedy guy (actual title) gives me the authority to say that Burr is definitely one of the better comedians out there, and the DVD makes me want to go out and either see him live or get one of his other DVDs.

Not to ruin any of the jokes, but he does mock Oprah for saying that mothers have the hardest job in the world. He’s right. It’s a bunch of shit. I play with my cousin’s kids all the time. I could easily raise them. You just have to stop being a pussy and hit them. (just kidding, but really, hit a child. It’s fun)

Extras

The DVD has a few short extras, either of parts cut from this show, or from one of his other shows while on the road. There’s also a video of him recording his weekly audio blog, which was cool, although not as good as the show itself. The video from one of his other shows was great because it showed how funny he is in the moment. Someone in the audience said something, and he tore him a new one. Then it turned out the guy was blind. And Burr still made fun of him and accused him of not being blind. I do that all the time! Finally, a comedian who understands that all handicaps are a lie.

Why should I watch it?

You should only watch this if you like to laugh and are not offended by gingers.

What’s Good About It?

It’s funny.

What’s bad about it?

Not enough boobs.

What I learned

That a dog is better than a girlfriend.

The Verdict

Out of 17.9 possible points, I’m giving it a 16.2. It loses 1.7 points because of the lack of boobs.

I’m a huge fan of Hendrix, and I’ve read a few biographies, seen a few other documentaries, and own a fair number of DVDs of his live performances. I’m not a die hard fan necessarily, but I do love the man and have a fair bit of knowledge, not only of his life, but also about other documentaries about him.

That said, I can say that Jimi Hendrix: Guitar Hero is not the “Final Word” on Hendrix. While I did enjoy the film, there are a number of problems with it, primarily with the fact that the stated (on the box) focus of the documentary is on his music and they were only about to secure rights to play two of his performances in the film, Wild Thing and Hey Joe. While both are amazing performances and great songs, they’re hardly a complete vision of the depth of his career.

So much of the music that serves as the soundtrack is either performances by other artists, such as Bob Dylan playing Rolling Stone, whereas they couldn’t secure the rights to Hendrix playing Dylan’s All Along the Watchtower, which was his only hit single.

Slash serves as the narrator, although he actually narrates very little in the film. He did an interview for the documentary as well, which was a better use of his talents, as he isn’t the most eloquent speaker to begin with, and it’s his insights into Hendrix’s playing that makes him valuable. In fact, Slash never met Hendrix, he is simply a fan (a famous one to be sure, but still just a fan).

The two best people interviewed for the documentary have to be Leon Hendrix, Jimi’s younger brother, and Charles R. Cross, who wrote a fantastic biography on Hendrix called A Room Full of Mirrors. I’ve actually read two of Cross’s biographies now, the one on Hendrix as well as fellow Seattle musician Kurt Cobain, and while both were authorized, because of Cross’s integrity, both were superb and offered amazing insights and anecdotes into the lives of these great musicians. I wish they had used him more in the documentary, as he seems to have encyclopedic knowledge of Hendrix, but his inclusion definitely improved the film. One story in both the film and his book dealt with Hendrix’s first visit to England, where he walked out of the crowd onstage with Cream and blew everyone away. In Cross’s book, he had a great line, where he explained that England at the time had a lot of graffiti on the walls proclaiming “Clapton is God” so that when Hendrix went on stage he’d only been in the country a week and had “Burned God.” I wish they’d had that line in the film, it always made me smile.

The Music

Easily the worst part of the film is the very minimal amount of Hendrix’s music or performances included.

Why should I watch it?

I’m recommending this for Hendrix fans looking for some fun insights, but not for people hoping to learn very much about him.

What’s Good About It?

Leon Hendrix really added a bit of humanity to his brother. Everyone else speaks of him with too much reverence. Even though you could tell Leon also respected his brother, he also just loved him because of their close relationship.

What’s bad about it?

Lack of music, poor narration, and some difficult to follow storytelling. The extras aren’t very good either. The extended interviews, especially with Leon, are worth watching, but the silent footage of the Monkees tour which Hendrix opened for them at the start of the tour does not have ANY footage of Hendrix. Waste of time.

What I learned

Lemmy Kilmister is hilarious. I don’t necessarily trust his opinions, but I like what he has to say and the way he says it.

The Verdict

As this is my first review, I’m going to start my own scoring system. Out of 17.9 possible points, I’m giving Jimi Hendrix: Guitar Hero a 10.

Part of me just hopes the filmmakers take my verdict, edit out the first part, and say “Starseeker gave it a 10!”

Three-time World Heavyweight Champion Muhammad Ali defeated almost every top fighter of the golden age of boxing. Now, through the untold stories of his opponents in the fights that defined him, experience “The Champ” like never before. Facing Ali turns the cameras on some of Ali’s biggest rivals including George Chuvalo, Sir Henry Cooper, George Foreman, Joe Frazier, Larry Holmes, Ron Lyle, Ken Norton, Earnie Shavers, Leon Spinks and Ernie Terrell providing a fresh and impactful perspective on the famed boxer, the sport, talent and courage.

The DVD contains knockout bonus materials including animated trivia cards for each of the boxers, three featurettes – looking at the fighters and their experiences with Ali, the making of the film and the unique way this book was adapted for the screen as well as the process used to restore and upgrade the archival fight footage to HD quality. Based on the Random House book of the same name by Stephen Brunt, Facing Ali will knock out the competition when it debuts on DVD December 29, 2009.

The Truth

Facing Ali brings together the stories of 10 men who battled Ali in his prime. All of the stories are emotional, and brought to light a lot of things you would have never guessed about Ali, and the fight game. The 10 men express some frank views on Ali and their fights with him, but all share the same respect for the man, the legend.

The archived footage of the legendary fights are worth the price of the DVD, and was incredibly well done.

The Action

Lots of historic fight footage and moving interviews from some of the most powerful men in the fight game.

Why should I watch it?

Facing Ali is a moving film that shows a softer side to the warriors

You’ll Like It If

Fans of Boxing, Ali and the men he battled will all love the Facing Ali DVD. It really is a wonderful DVD for people of all tastes.

The Verdict

Facing Ali is flying under the radar, but it is better than Tyson, and perhaps the bestfighter documentary ever made.