Bernie (2012)


Bernie is about a man (Bernie, DUH) who is very popular with the locals in a small town. In an attempt to be everyone’s friend, Bernie spends time with a local widow who is very wealthy, but also a bit of a beeyotch. Then he kills her.

Yeah. Didn’t see THAT coming did you? So after Bernie kills the widow, he tries to make it look like she’s still alive. No one in the town would believe that Bernie is a killer, so it works for a time.

I have to assume they called the film Bernie because it’s a ripoff of Weekend at Bernie’s, but maybe not. OOOOOO!!! They should have cast Jonathan Silverman!


Bernie was written and directed by Richard Linklater, and co-written by Skip Hollandsworth. Yep. SKIP. His name is Skip.

Skip doesn’t have much experience, but Linklater has been around a while. He directed Me and Orson Welles and A Scanner Darkly. Odd mix of films actually.

Bernie Trailer

Bernie Release Date

April 27, 2012.


Who’s In It?

 Matthew McConaughey … Danny Buck Davidson
  Jack Black … Bernie
  Shirley MacLaine
  Veronica Orosco … Church Patron
  Tommy G. Kendrick … Larry Brumley
  Rick Dial … Don Leggett
  Gary Teague … Neighborhood Onlooker
  Mona Lee Fultz … Cashier
  Grant James … Mr. Estes
  Sonny Carl Davis … Lonnie
  Wendy Crouse … Prison Visitor
  David Blackwell … Mel
  Brady Coleman … Scrappy Holmes
  Juli Erickson … Mrs. Estes
  Dale Dudley … Jerry
  Larry Jack Dotson … Reverend Woodard
  Christian Stokes … Truck Driver
  Richard Robichaux … Lloyd Hornbuckler
  Richard Jones … Professor Fleming
  Kevin Machate … Federal Agent
  Jerry Biggs … The Judge
  Gabriel Luna … Kevin
  Wray Crawford … Sheriff’s Deputy #2
  Amparo García … Lenora
  James Leonardo Mayberry … Church goer
  Robert H. Lambert … Courtroom Witness
  Martha Long … Church Woman #2
  Margaret Hoard … Waitress

What’s Good About It?

Well, it has Shirley MacLaine, so I’ll probably have a tough time hearing the dialogue over the sound of my boner. Also, Matthew McConaughey? Weird.

What’s Bad About It?

Jack Black’s hilarious facial expressions, and his funny mustache.

Note that these two things are put under ‘What’s BAD about it.?’

Our Clever Prediction

Fail. Bernie will suck ass. I don’t think it’ll make much money, and while the production budget is supposed to be pretty low (only about $6 million) I still don’t think it’ll be successful.