Anonymous (2011)


Who was the real author of the Plays and Sonnets attributed to William Shakespeare? Well, Roland Emmerich knows, and he wants to let you all in on the secret in his next film Anonymous.

There has been a great number of people who have speculated over the life of William Shakespeare. In fact, there is very little that is known for sure about his life. Some have speculated over his sexuality, others have said that there were multiple people whose works was compiled under the name of William Shakespeare. Anonymous studies the theory that Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford, who was an accomplished poet and playwright during the reign of Queen Elizabeth in the 16th century, may actually be the man we know today as William Shakespeare.

Utter, retarded, nonsense.



The Scoop

Directed by Roland Emmerich, known for giving us such factually true stories such as independence Day, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, and 10,000 B.C., Anonymous is his first foray into period pieces, but don’t worry, he should still find a way to have incredibly stupid, over the top special effects all over the place. Does he actually think he’ll win an Oscar?

I will give the film this, writer John Orloff wrote two episodes of Band of Brothers and he wrote A Mighty Heart, which was probably good. At least there’s a guy who has some talent in the crew.

Who’s It For?

Who gives a… nevermind. The film has not been rated yet, but it will probably be PG-13.

Movie Release Date

March 25, 2011.

Who’s In It?

Rhys Ifans … Edward de Vere
Xavier Samuel … Southhampton
Jamie Campbell Bower … Young Oxford
Joely Richardson … Princess Elizabeth Tudor
David Thewlis … William Cecil
Vanessa Redgrave … Queen Elizabeth I

Interesting Fact

William Shakespeare was, in fact, only one person, of whom we know very little because he lived 400 years ago, and not every legal document (of which there weren’t that many anyway) has survived. Non-retarded people understand that it is the work itself that is of the most importance, and not his life, which he probably knew also, so he kept things private.

Related Movies

Shakespeare in Love, Othello, Romeo and Juliet, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow (who thought those films would ever be in some way related to the greatest plays ever written?)

What’s Good About It?

I admit, it is interesting to think about the time that Shakespeare lived in. If the film takes a relatively realistic approach, which is unlikely, since in the time around 1600 people were regularly executed publicly and waste was disposed of on the street (waste here being shit), and I doubt the film will dwell on the fact that the world was such a monumental piece of crap back then, so it’ll probably go with revisionist history, which is apparent from the fact that they’ve decided that some asshole Earl was William Shakespeare.

What’s Bad About It?

Roland Emmerich is directing a film. That is a bad thing. For those of you who will comment that you really liked 2012 and 10,000 B.C. Let me save you the trouble of waiting for a reply from me. You are a moron.

Our Clever Prediction

Emmerich’s films usually do really well. Of course, they’re usually over the top action blockbusters. I will bet good money (for me that’s about 12 dollars) that the critics will absolutely hate this monstrosity. I also doubt the movie-going public will care to see it.

{Editor’s Note} I can’t wait to see how badly Emmerich destroys the historical timeline with inaccurate moments and events. He was off by roughly 7000 years by including pyramids in 10 000 BC! 


  1. Man I hate such biased articles. Obviously the person who wrote this must have a thing for Shakespeare. As it theres not a whole lot of evidence that he did write or didnt (though both will argue that there is). Just let the director and writers do their movie. Maybe their wrong. Maybe their right. Who cares! Let’s just enjoy the movie, do research after, then descide for yourself.

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