An Invisible Sign (2011)

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An Invisible Sign is a dramatic comedy about a brilliant young woman who turned to math to escape from the pain of watching her sick father as a child. As an adult she teaches math to others to help them cope with their issues.

I can already see the thinking of the writer: What are two incredibly boring things? Math and therapy. How can I combine the two, write a book about it, then have Jessica Alba cast as the super genius like A Beautiful Mind (totally makes sense if you’re a moron or from Canada (sorry, redundancy)).

So Alba plays Mona Gray (sounds like a good porn name), the 20 year old math prodigy who has problems connecting with others. Oh, and she’s constantly tapping her fingers on stuff, and numbers fall out of said items, all CGI’d. CGIed? I don’t know.

Oh, and her students are little kids.

Oh, and she’s smart. You can tell cause of the pigtails.

Oh, and if you read the first word of the last couple sentences, you’ll realize I just gave you an orgasm.

You’re welcome.

An Invisible Sign

An Invisible Sign is directed by Marilyn Agrelo. She doesn’t have a lot of experience, which is why (I’m assuming) she cast Jessica Alba as something other than a hot chick shaking her booty. Of course, Ms. Agrelo may have lost a bet. Hmmm… And the movie is based on a book by Aimee Bender.

Aimee. SPELL IT RIGHT. IT’S AMY. Stupid.

An Invisible Sign Trailer

Movie Release Date

Limited release on May 6, 2011. I can’t believe a ‘Jessica Alba tries to act’ movie doesn’t get a big push during awards season.

Pictures

Who’s In It?

 Jessica Alba … Mona Gray
  Bailee Madison … Young Mona
  J.K. Simmons … Mr. Jones
  Chris Messina … Ben Smith
  Sonia Braga … Mom
  John Shea … Dad
  Blythe Auffarth … Nan
  Ashlie Atkinson … Lisa’s Aunt
  Sophie Nyweide … Lisa Venus
  Emerald-Angel Young … Rita Williams
  Marylouise Burke … Ms. Gelband
  Daniel Pearce … Danny’s Dad
  Joanna Adler … Lisa’s Mom
  Jake Richard Siciliano … Elmer Gravlaki
  Mackenzie Milone … Ann DiGanno
  Ian Colletti … Danny O’Mazzi
  Conor Carroll … 5th Grader
  Daniel Dugan … Ms. Gelband’s Attorney
  Kevin Fung … Kevin
  Crystal Bock … Saleswoman
  Lilly Hartley … Runner
  Marin Gazzaniga … Hostess

What’s Good About It?

The trailer looks okay, and Jessica Alba is still pretty, even having birthed a kid.

What’s Bad About It?

It’s Jessica Alba trying to act. She’s so bad that she’s actually making me a worse actor. Since I can’t even act like I care about this.

Our Clever Prediction

Bombs away. No one will see this outside of the loyal members of the Dark Angel fan club.

So yeah, I’ll be seeing it.