The Host (2013)

Flying Brian Banana Hammock March 28, 2012 4

TURD ALERT! TURD ALERT! TURD ALERT! The Host is a new film from the mind of Twilight author Stephenie Meyer.

I contemplated how I wanted to start this preview for a while, and I thought TURD ALERT was the most honest approach.

So, The Host is set in a world where aliens have taken over the minds of all humans and control them. There is no war or anger anymore, but also no freedom. One spirited young woman is able to resist her alien host enough to get the host to allow them to embark on a journey together to help the girl find her true love.

Holy crap. It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers and a large pile of shit had a baby!

The Host

Andrew Niccol wrote the screenplay and is directing The Host, and as I said, it’s based on the novelby Stephenie Meye. Oddly, Niccol didn’t escape from a mental institution recently. He did write/direct Gattaca, which I like, and In Time, which I thought looked interesting but haven’t gotten around to watching yet.

This is just weird. He doesn’t seem like a total hack. He must have lost a bet.

The Host Trailer



The Host Release Date

March 29, 2013.

Pictures

Who’s In It?

 Saoirse Ronan … Melanie Stryder
  Diane Kruger … The Seeker
  Jake Abel … Ian O’Shea
  William Hurt … Jeb Stryder
  Frances Fisher … Maggie Stryder
  Max Irons … Jared Howe
  Chandler Canterbury … Jamie Stryder
  Boyd Holbrook … Kyle O’Shea

What’s Good About It?

I suppose it’s good that it’s ripping off a classic like Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

What’s Bad About It?

At the same time, IT’S STEPHENIE MEYER RIPPING OFF A GOOD MOVIE. Good lord, she’s already ruined vampires.

Please, no one tell her about Batman. Please.

Our Clever Prediction

I want to say that The Host will be horrible and make no money, but I think it’s more like that it’ll be horrible and make lots of money, which is worse.

4 Comments »

  1. becca30 May 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm -

    plz do not mock wat u have never read it is a very good book and it will make a good movie its not like body snatchers at all!!!!!!!!!!!! and she didnt ruin vampires she gave it a twist ive read several different series of books that put different twists on the vampire legend so until u read the books dont say the movies r gonna b bad cuz u dont even no wat they r about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Lorelie_In_Lethe January 3, 2013 at 8:04 am -

      Becca30- While I appreciate that you at least started off trying to be polite; simply requesting that the author not mock what he knows nothing about, I have to say that from then on it’s all downhill.

      First of all, if you’re going to attempt to defend the value of a book in a comment/response you need to have at least halfway decent spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Posting one giant run-on sentence full of misspelled words with no commas or apostrophes, just 20 exclamation points at the end, makes it hard to take anything you say seriously. There are tools like “spell-check” that everyone has- use them!

      Writing a response like this really doesn’t make Stephenie Meyers’ work look any better: it actually makes you look like you’re exaggerating about the amount of vampire fiction you’ve read because generally people who read a lot know how to SPELL, which takes away from your credibility

      .
      Secondly, both the Twilight books and the movies were terrible for several reasons, the main one being their lack of overall quality in virtually every area. In general the acting in the films was awful, the pacing was off and ill-timed, the dialog was cheesy and overly dramatic, the CGI was crap, even the cinematography was bad! The only redeeming quality I found was in the film’s soundtrack, which was to my liking according to my own personal tastes.

      Yet the books were awful and sent a terrible message to young men and women about relationships and friendship and family. Bella is a horrible protagonist: her selfishness, self-absorption, lack of respect for her parents, utter disregard for the needs of anyone other than herself, obsession over Edward, and willingness to put up with abuse and maintain abusive relationships makes her not only a terrible character who doesn’t deserve a “happily ever-after” ending, but also a seriously negative influence on all the young women who read about her! She is NOT a strong female role-model; she is the opposite of that & I’m deeply grateful that my nieces are too young to be caught up in the Twilight craze so I don’t have to worry about protecting them from the damage that Bella Swan would do to them.

      For example: her whole life centers around boys, as though it’s only through being with someone else that you or your life gains any meaning. Her mother, her father, her friends, her “vampire family”, and the wolves with their creepy imprinting BS all reinforce the idea that you can only be happy/be worth something when you’re with another person. No mention of how much you could learn, the skills you could acquire, or how you could use your unique gifts and eternal life to help people in so many different ways!

      Think of what one could do for science and ecology: places that are extremely dangerous for human preservationists to go to gather data due to disease, poisonous insects and snakes, exposure to the elements and harsh temperatures, dangerous wildlife or hostile militant groups, wouldn’t be an issue to a vampire. Think if you didn’t sleep and had no risk of exposure and applied yourself to pathology & the treatment/cures for horrible diseases: you would have lifetimes to focus on a problem and come up with actual life-saving solutions! Or how about lending a hand as a fireman or other type of rescue worker- what wouldn’t even be a risk to you ends up killing good men and women all the time.
      Or maybe instead of buying islands, disposable mansions, and fancy cars the Cullens could take that money and do something good with it.

      What does Esme even do with all of her free time?? I mean, her hubby works at the hospital, her kids don’t exactly need supervision, she’s not making dinner for the family- why not work the night shift at a suicide hotline? She does have some experience in that area. What do any of them do when they aren’t hunting or having sex for that matter?? They’re not going off to use their super-strength to help build some housing for people who lost theirs in a natural disaster as far as I can tell.

      There’s no talk about Bella’s ambition or her dreams or anyone doing anything for anyone other than themselves & their “family” besides Carlisle. Repeating High School over and over, wasting time, school/classroom resources, and vast amounts of food so you can claim to be young & remain in the same place?!? Why not just say that you’re home-schooled! They’re all such freaks that people would believe it.

      The books try to focus so much on the Cullen family’s struggle to retain their humanity. They’re utterly selfish & think only about what they want and the comfort of the here and now and do nothing when they could be doing so much to make the world a better place for everyone…
      Sounds to me like they’ve got human nature down pat.

      Oh then there are the two male leads: Team Edward and Team Jacob.
      Passing off being controlling, talking down to your girlfriend, or sneaking into her room to watch her sleep without her knowing as acts of love or simply being “protective” is disgusting. Teaching boys that this is ok to do to their girlfriends and girls that this is anything other than horrific is damaging to young minds.

      Then, teaching boys that it’s ok to force their affection on a girl who doesn’t want it & that they should be proud of themselves for it makes me just plain ill. I don’t know which is worse: that in and of itself or that according to the book, telling your parent/reporting the incident to the police will only get the boy a thumbs up and a “good for you!” for sexually assaulting a girl. Being kissed or touched in any way at all without your permission is never acceptable!

      Then there’s the ole’ “using the threat of my death to manipulate people/get what I want” ploy. Bella got Edward to come running back after stupidly risking her lifer over and over until finally he thought she had killed herself; it only makes sense that Jacob threatens to kill himself if Bella doesn’t ask him to kiss her before the big fight! It’s ok though; he knew she’d forgive him. Because that’s a message that we want to spread around.

      As you can see, I’ve read the books and seen the movies- as a film critic I take my research very seriously and always read the source material a movie is based on in order to have a more well-rounded perspective when writing my critique. (Though I no longer have the books-I traded them in for copies of the graphic novel 30 Days of Night as part of IDW’s “Sparkles For Blood” Promotion, which was hilarious and awesome. It offered me the perfect solution- being safely rid of the books with the assurance that they wont end up in the hands of some young reader, plus the added bonus of getting something cool back in return!)

      You can’t say that I have an uninformed opinion. I’m not judging because I’m just being “a hater”: I really and truly believe that these books and movies are literally detrimental to society and harmful to the social-development and psyche of the readers. I think they hurt and damage young minds and teach awful things disguised as forms of love, beauty and strength of character. I hold the author responsible for sending these messages out and dislike her for doing so, which is why I will not support her other works. (Plus in all honesty she really is a bad, untalented writer. I’m sorry but that’s just the truth.) I have little hope for the quality of this film, though I admit the trailer makes it look somewhat intriguing. However I will never know first-hand about either the book or the film because as I said I can not in good conscience support Stephenie Meyers in any way.
      I tend to agree with everything Brian said, though, particularly his “Clever Prediction” which sadly I predict as well.

      Though since this film doesn’t have Cedric Diggory and the ‘roided-out jail-bait that runs around shirtless all the time perhaps it won’t be as obnoxiously, inescapably omnipresent. One can only hope…

      (P.S: I just wanted to say that I know I don’t know you and so I don’t know if you’re just really young, in which case I apologize for anything directed at you in this comment response that was overly harsh or truly hurt your feelings. That was never my intent.
      However at the same time I feel like you should know that if you ever want anyone to take your opinions seriously or really listen to what points you have to make, you need to present them in a respectable way.)

  2. Aime April 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm -

    The fact I signed up for an account with starseeker to just comment on your post…baffles my mind. Oh well… Brian, your post has me laughing out of my seat. I blame you if my social life takes a downward turn after this…but whatever. Regardless, I salute your clever prediction, and unfortunately agree that it will be most likely, probably, true. And while I’m part of the target group of the audience, I’ll be cooping myself in a room with all 3 LOTR dvds, a giant throw, my friends + family, and my imaginary whippet on the day The Host releases. Hah! Take that, Meyer.

    • Dudley 'Booger' Dawson May 2, 2012 at 6:53 pm -

      Registration is mandatory, keeps out the spam. That being said, welcome aboard, and Brian has some issues….