Machete Kills is a sequel to 2010′s Machete, which is about a Mexican guy who kills people with knives.
The first Machete was the classic, totally normal film that we’ve all come to expect from Robert Rodriguez. It was basic. Just lots of naked chicks (one took a cell phone out of her vagina for some reason), and violence. Rodriguez nailed it. Fun film.
In it, Machete was a hitman who was setup by a client who hired him to kill a Senator. In the sequel, Machete has been hired by the US Government to take down some drug cartels. He must fight his way in, machetes blazing, and kill some suckas.
And there’ll probably be some hot naked Mexican chicks.
Machete Kills
Machete Kills is being directed by Robert Rodriguez from a screenplay by Kyle Ward. Rodriguez realy has all the talent and determines what is going to happen. He must have just been too lazy to write this one.
Machete Kills Trailer
No trailer yet.
Movie Release Date
TBA, 2013.
Pictures
Who’s In It?
Amber Heard … Miss San Antonio
Vanessa Hudgens … Cereza
Mel Gibson … Luther Voz
Jessica Alba … Sartana
Charlie Sheen … U.S. President (rumored)
Sofía Vergara … Madame Desdemona
Michelle Rodriguez … Luz
Danny Trejo … Machete Cortez
Alexa Vega … KillJoy
Cuba Gooding Jr. … El Camaleon
Edward James Olmos
William Sadler … Sheriff Doakes
Lady Gaga … La Chameleón
Demián Bichir … Mendez the Madman
Mike Gassaway … Secret Service Agent
Marko Zaror
Electra Avellan … Nurse Mona
Elise Avellan … Nurse Lisa
Marci Madison … Nurse Fine
Emmy Robbin … Pris
Elle LaMont … Dollface
Jorge A. Jimenez … Dying Cartel
Crystal Martinez … Mendez’s Wife
Samuel Davis … Clebourne
Sophia Hoang … Miss Houston
Heaven Elizabeth Fearn … Miss Amarillo
Vincent Fuentes … Cabrito Cook
Edgar Arreola … Esteban
Jimmy Gonzales … Bondage Man
What’s Good About It?
I didn’t see all of Machete, but I really like Robert Rodriguez when he’s not making kids films. Yeah, they tend to be a bit on the stupid side, but that’s not a bad thing. He has a ton of talent, and makes films cheap and fast. I think the actors have a tremendous chance to really act and they give cool performances that aren’t too rehearsed.
What’s Bad About It?
I didn’t see Machete because it looked a little too stupid. I also don’t care for Rodriguez trying to make political statements, and I got the impression there were some in Machete. I might be wrong.
Our Clever Prediction
Machete made about $45 million worldwide, and it only cost $10 million to make, so I expect Machete Kills to be about the same level, unless Mel Gibson turns out to be an actual box office draw again. That would be cool.
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