House of Night (2013)

Flying Brian Banana Hammock April 30, 2013 574

House of Night is the next Twilight, or at least it’s trying to be. First, no, I haven’t read the books, but the film is based on a popular book series based on vampires and a teenaged girl. Okay, so they call them Vampyres. But that’s just stupid.

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination. Now lets talk about the trailer for House Of Night…

Trailer

Just kidding, not yet.

House of Night

The book has been optioned for a film, but so far there hasn’t been a writer or director announced. I nominate Catherine Hardwicke. In the House Of Night MOvie, newly turned vampyre Zoey Redbird leaves her old world behind and enters a training school known as the House of Night, where she can learn how to become an adult vampyre. Cool right?

Who’s It For?

Young adults and their fascination with the Vampire genre. Although, I guess its better kids are reading something since the general consensus is we are raising a society of idiots and shitheads. Why is the Vampire genre so big now, nobody cared about them in my childhood, in the 80′s. Although we did like Alf and The Fonze,  so maybe our generation shouldn’t brag too much.

Movie Release Date

House of night is now a 2013 movie release. They must be searching for a sexy male lead vampire. I nominate Jason Patrick. He was amazing in The Lost Boys, he knows the vampire character, and lets face it, he’s still hot. Right guys and gals? Right? Who’s got my back?

Who’s In It?

Since there hasn’t been any casting, I will also announce that Bob Sagat will play Zoey.

Interesting Fact

If you put Twilight and House of Night in Mortal Kombat as characters House of Night would totally finish Twilight. House of Night’s finisher? Screaming fans so loud that your head explodes.

True Story.

What’s Good About It?

If it’s a success, future sequels may introduce Warewolves, or Mammies (which is what I called your momma last night), and Fronkenstein.

And Zambies.

What’s Bad About It?

Seriously? I’m just going to post the description again. (but with quotation marks!)

Anyways, the Vampyres are a genetic anomaly that develops at puberty in a part of the population, and said Vampyres are marked and sent to a special school to learn to be adult Vampyres. Zoey Redbird, who I have to assume is Native American, what with the Redbird thing (like the werewolves in Twilight, not that I’ve seen them or anything), discovers that she is a Vampyre and is sent to the new school and has to learn about her new life as an abomination.

Our Clever Prediction

I will show up opening night to score. Uh… score a goal. I’ll be going to a football game. They play for goals, right?

Anyways, I’m not a perv.

I think the film will look like what it is, a cheap Twilight ripoff. Oh, and for those of you have read the books, feel free to hate me.

574 Comments »

  1. brii134 November 18, 2013 at 3:07 pm -

    I’ve started thus series back in middle school. And I am a faithful fan if the house of night series and in fact have emailed the authors to make it into a movie series since the books are too big to be a tv series. I also read twilight and went to see each movie in theatres. Anyways house of night a completely different from twilight and if you could swallow your stupid ego, sat down and actually read it you’d see the same thing. Now of course this series is meant for young women because we all have these dreams of if only what could happen. Thule plot is better than twilight and there is much more action that there is romance. The point of twilight was for the romantic perspectives. Where as this book details constant struggles between good.and bad where as twilight its about.one girl struggling on which species to be with. So before bashing something you have never given the chance to learn. Get.your facts straight.

  2. Nessa_Love October 8, 2013 at 9:28 pm -

    well ive read all the books they are going to need to make a series not a movie and it movie like 3 or 4 of them then I absalutley adore the books I think it should happen though

  3. klyons September 1, 2013 at 6:35 pm -

    I don’t think the move will be coming out this year I saw that is twas still in the rummer/planing stage still. I wish it would thou I rily want to see it.

  4. camogirl July 23, 2013 at 6:39 pm -

    First off, if you have never even read the books then you have no reason to say that they are just like Twilight, because unlike you, I have read them both and must tell you that even comparing the House of Night series is any way to the Twilight series is like comparing a Mustang to a Minivan. The House of Night series is better in the plot, the description of the characters, and the all around creativity of the world of Vampyres. Yes, I must agree that on opening night there will be mostly girls filling up the theaters, but there is no doubt that the outcome of the movie will be astounding. The Cast’s have made an amazing series of novels, that if you read, you wouldn’t even realize how amazing they are because they are a young adult romance novel that is no where near the type of books you read. Sci-fi? I assume?

  5. MermaidBallerina July 20, 2013 at 7:15 pm -

    Its Funny That You Know Nothing Of The House Of Night Series Yet You’re Trying To Bash It . House Of Night Is Nothing Like Your Description & Its Better Then Twilight . So Suck A Dick & Go Watch “Fonzy”